really

by bofa xesjum

alexander did not ask to be born buddha did not plant the tree he sat under columbus never discovered his true self danny deever was not a bad kid einstein told the right time twice a day frank did it his way george was not really that gorgeous harry was not really a horse i never knew what time it was jerry could not jump across a puddle king arthur liked to ride in the woods but his luck ran out one cold rainy day because money will not buy you happiness now they tell you after you waited outside the pearly gates perhaps it is all for the best that is the question it is a long road that has no turning so they say time is up under a harvest moon very good, sir will you be staying the night? excuse me for a moment you have a call on line three i have nothing more to report

roll

by horace p sternwall

if i could grow a garden if i could throw a stone i would fly to the planet jupiter and live there all alone i would watch the planets cross the sky and earthquakes sing and dance i would write the sun a letter and give the moon a second chance i have a postcard in my pocket but no change to buy a stamp i think i will mail it anyway while the weather is still damp i will send it to the king of spain who has never let me down i asked him for a city and he gave me a whole town george washington told me, son always draw to ace joker they will let you ride in the club car but not in the smoker i met st peter in the park with a pigeon on his head he said, i like the sandwich but do not care for the bread i walked along the river until i came to an old oak tree abe lincoln sat beneath it asking, what will become of me my old dog blue is calling me across the purple plain i am ready to roll on the red eye as soon as i pack my brain

the caper

by dog e relaford

sam was sad boris was bad annie was alert they all sat in the dirt waiting for ed who had a hat on his head and his friend frank who worked in a bank ralph was a guy with a twinkle in his eye and harry had a plan to stick it to the man what is in it for us asked gus and jenny had a notion to second the motion they awoke at dawn to find larry was gone and stan, that nasty man had stolen the master plan red decided to abscond with a platinum blonde and ruby without a qualm had greased the sheriff’s palm shirley was bereft when ted got up and left and uncle joe, that layabout sold the whole crew out the hotel was grand but the castle was sand and got washed away at the break of day children, take heed don’t believe what you read or what you see, or what you hear wake up, and shed a tear

the room

by bofa xesjum

a dog walked into a room expecting to find an elephant but the room was empty no elephant and no table the elephant might have stood on or any table at all with anything on it not even a flower or a good time or a hard time or an impetuous insurance agent or an instigator or judgment day or a king and queen enjoying a quiet cup of tea disappointed, the dog turned to go but the door was locked and he had no key he looked around there was, in fact, one thing in the room a window with bars on it and the sun shining through them

morose seedy flapjacks

by horace p sternwall

oscar gray was a morose man morose - you don’t hear that word much any more he led a perhaps unfortunate existence in a seedy rooming house seedy - you don’t hear that word much any more down by the tracks wanda smith was his landlady she was a morose person too oscar was the only boarder but they did not have much to say to each other sometimes oscar suggested to mrs smith that she purchase a different brand of maple syrup that he could put on his flapjacks in the morning flapjacks - yet another word you don’t hear much any more but mrs smith kept buying the same brand of maple syrup she always had one night oscar died mrs smith knew the drill and expedited the necessary proceedings with all due dispatch because she had been there before down by the tracks under a harvest moon

natural april

by dog e relaford

adam had a monkey eve had a horse the race had a track and the river had a oourse king henry had a falcon king john had a fool they all joined the circus and broke their mama’s rule maybe genghis khan but omar khayyam king richard had a couple of eggs but he didn’t have no ham the lion had a tamer the tiger had a stripe one at a time is good fishing said moses, smoking his pipe jonah wore a black top hat and had a shine upon his shoes and he would have whipped the whale but he couldn’t stay off the booze king herod was a lazy man and let salome dance he could have sold her to the king of china but he dared not take the chance george washington got drunk at noon abe lincoln helped him up the little drummer boy beat his drum hup hup hup hup hup robert e lee had a pair of kings grant had a pair of aces they stopped the war when it started to rain and went to the camptown races i know everything that happened because i never went to school i make it up as i go along because i’m a natural born fool this poem is not working out as well as i expected i will bury it in the piney woods and maybe some day resurrect it

outside

by dog e relaford

the world had passed eddie by for no particular reason why it just had it made him feel kind of bad eddie had not been outside for a while sitting indoors had become his style with a phone in one hand and a remote in the other going outside was just a lot of bother not getting out too often his brain had begun to soften he decided to take a break just for old times sake feeling a bit forlorn because he had not asked to be born eddie reached the street and already felt beat eddie was disconcerted the streets were strangely deserted he recalled the old days when people flowed by in relentless waves he passed some stores - they were all closed in his brain a strange feeling arose he had been transported to a strange place and he was the last member of the human race where were the panhandlers asking for dimes the clocks in every window with the right time the endless diners with their coffee and ham and eggs the young ladies obligingly showing their legs the movies with new double features every day and only fifty or seventy five cents to pay where were the eternal waves and flow of lonely souls with nowhere to go wait - here comes somebody now with a baseball cap pulled down on its brow and as it had always been planned the apparition held out its hand can you spare five dollars, the creature intoned eddie felt suddenly all alone in a universe gone insane an angel of mercy shut down his brain eddie woke up in his little room outside the window were rain and gloom his head was intact and his heart was pure it would all be good tomorrow for sure