the human

by nick nelson

was born by the river in a little shack. we have been down this road before. and we are going down it again, if it all the same to you. outside the wind was howling. and the rain whistled through the trees and the canebrake. a tiger roared and an owl hooted. suddenly there was a knock on the door of the shack. who can that be, mama bear asked mama elephant open up, in the name of the great one, a voice cried, barely making itself heard above the wind. mama bear opened the door with alacrity. a sergeant and two soldiers, all carrying shotguns at the ready, pushed their way inside. this child has not been registered, old sarge cried, pointing to the new born human. of course it has not, mama elephant protested vigorously, it has only just been born. that is no excuse, old sarge retorted,, seize it, he ordered the two soldiers, whose names were dismas and barrabas, pointing to the newborn human. and you two, old sarge continued, report to the registry when it opens at seven o’clock in the morning, to pay your fines, and learn your fates. with that the unholy three left with the child. mana bear and mama elephant, needless to say, never the saw the child again, though, like the rest of the earthly race, they would hear much of its exploits. on their way back to the city with the child, old sarge and his two stooges encountered a trio of ragged wanderers and arrested them and threw them in the back of the wagon with the child, which had been bawling the whole time. can’t you shut that brat up,, the first ragged wanderer, whose name was moses asked. maybe i will shut it up for you. you had best not, dismas informed him, the great leader has big plans for it.. if you say so, the first wanderer answered, but it sure don’t look like much to me. what do you say, boys? best to just go along, the second wanderer, whose name was jesse replied. that’s all you guys ever want to do, moses grumbled. no wonder we never get anywhere. we are going to jail, the third ragged wanderer, whose name was frank, interpolated, and jesse laughed to beat the band. the wind picked up, almost blowing the wagon off the road.

alone

by dog e relaford

abner jones was afraid to be alone so he threw his poor dog a bone the dog’s name was solomon smith and didn’t know who he was dealing with down on the corner the witches stand and sell adrenalin to beat the band membranes pass by on soft little feet because they think they own the street eddie the egg is a bouncing boy who brings the passing strangers joy with an endless repertoire of songs to show the world that he belongs it is getting late, the spiders say tomorrow is another day and then another one after that and it may rain, so wear your hat

like any more

by nick nelson

i don’t like you any more. so? aren’t you going to leave? no, where would i go? i thought you had all sorts of places you could go. what gave you that idea? you are always talking about the people you used to know. i don’t know them any more. do they know you any more? ask them, if you can find them. so how do i get rid of you? you know the drill. no, i do not. you have lived in the city all our life and you do not know how it works. help me out, i was born yesterday. you have to go down to the registry and make an application. an application for what? to terminate our relationship. we don’t have any relationship! of course we do, i have it recorded. you mean in words? what else? is it recorded so i can listen to it and not have to read it. i don’t read so good. you can’t read at all, who are you kidding. you don’t have to be nasty, that is why i don’t like you any more. i don’t care if you like me, you have to go down to the registry building and make an application to end our relationship. but what is the relationship?’’ i forget, but it is on record. can i hear the recording? it is mine, you should have your own. i don’t have one, you did have one, it is not my fault if you lost it or threw it away. so what do i do? go to the registry, tell them your name and they will look up you and your relationship and they might help you out. might help me out? that is the word. how long will it take? i don’t know, you will just have to go down there and wait in line and find out wait in line! ha, ha! you don’t know. you should pay more attention to your surroundings. what time is the registry open? all day, seven days a week. well, that is something. there are a lot of people in the city, they are always registering for something. maybe i better get going. wait, what is their most busy time? i wouldn’t know. oh. you are not having second thoughts are you? no, i llke you even less now and are more determined than ever to get rid of you. good luck, then.

the desert

by horace p sternwall

a star fell from the sky a teardrop fell from the lion’s eye the antelope bounded across the plain and old mother hubbard prayed for rain the antelope’s name was jake it could not catch a break the lion had been on its trail through rain and snow and hail the lion’s name was brad the only luck he had was bad he had given up hope of ever catching the antelope brad was pursued in his turn by a hunter named mcgurn who threatened brad’s existence with aggravating persistence mcgurn had problems of his own deputy sheriff john stone had a warrant for his arrest because mother knows best creatures the whole world round cover miles of ground escaping from each other that’s all, brother

sturdy

by horace p sternwall

this is a fine piece of mahogany, count. indeed it is, and it cost me dear. and sturdy workmanship, too. yes, and that cost too. surely there must be a story behind it. a story? no, not at all. it is just a fine piece of mahogany, sturdily crafted, which cost me dear.

archer

by horace p sternwall

albert archer was a sugar daddy who played golf in the woods without a caddy he had a sweetie pie who loved him a lot she was chummy with the chauffeur until she got caught the sweetie’s name was sally mae what else could it be, i hear you say the chauffeur’s cognomen was buck brick he was reputed to know a trick what sympathy he got was token and yet poor archer’s heart was broken he drank some whiskey, he drank some gin but was never quite the same man again archer played the market and got his share his father was a bull and his mama was a bear at golf and squash he was only fair ran and lost for the senate but he didn’t care archer was a fellow like you and me all he wanted was to be free he wasn’t the best and he wasn’t the worst and never suffered from an ancient curse the last time i saw archer he was standing in the street swaying a little bit on his feet suddenly the wind blew his straw hat away like all of us, he had seen better days

j b and salome, part 3

by nick nelson

part 3 of 3

click here for part 2

click here for part 1

what do we do now? j b asked salome. i don’t know. did you understand that stuff about digital and analog? i don’t think it meant anything. it was just an excuse not to let us go. everything is an excuse not to let us go. it’s the system. you got that right. the crowd of persons who had not been let on to the highway was milling around aimlessly. the tables in front of the gate where the security guards had interrogated the petitioners had been taken away, and now the guards were setting up what looked like an enormous boxing ring. that has to be where they are going to have the fight with sticks. so they are really going to do it! i thought that person was just having fun with you. no, they really do it, a voice behind j b and salome said. i been here before and they really do it. j b and salome ignored the voice, which might belong to a plant or informer, and watched as a guard in a straw hat, carrying a megaphone, climbed up on to the boxing ring. listen up, you sorry clowns, the guard shouted through the megaphone. as some of you have been told, or maybe you have been here before, at the end of each day the republic gives those of you who could not get past the gate fair and square another fighting chance. to fight your way on to the highway! did anybody get through the gate? a voice from the crowd shouted. if they did, i must have missed it! i am going to ignore that sad malcontent, although it is all too typical of the attitude we have seen here today. the guard paused. today we did not get a single volunteer to participate in this generous offer. not one! we have had only two or three before, but never none! what is this world coming to? i ask you! a few raindrops started to fall. i give you all one more chance! one more! no one came forward. can we leave now? another voice shouted. no, you may leave! if no one comes forward in ten seconds i will pick two people at random, what do you weaklings say to that? i will count to ten - ten, nine, eight - j b stepped up. i will do it. all right, then, anybody else? no one else stepped up. then i guess i will have to pick someone to take on this brave soul - wait a minute, j b interrupted the guard. yes? nobody else came forward. but i did. that should mean i win, and you should let me go on the highway. suddenly the rain picked up and started falling in earnest. yes,the crowd started shouting. let the citizen go! a couple of other guards, including the one who had interviewed salome, jumped up on the ring and began palavering with the guard with the megaphone. now the rain was pouring down, lightning flashed, and the hastily constructed ring started to shake. all right! the guard with the megaphone shouted! that’s fair! you - pointing at j b - get around behind me and get on down the road! the rest of you get back! j b took off and the guards began driving the rest of the crowd back off the entrance to the highway. the rain was coming down like the end of the world. j b and salome never saw each other again. the end