Tuesday, May 2, 2017

lost in the zoo


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jeremy was a nasty little boy who had not turned out as well as his parents had wished, so they decided to lose him.

the only question was where.

first they tried the desert.

one bright morning jeremy’s mom and dad drove him out into the middle of death valley.

. dad stopped the car. “let’s get out and stretch our legs,” he said.

when they were out of the car, dad pointed to a spot and said, “look over there - it looks like something dead.”

jeremy always liked to look at dead things and he took the bait and moved off the road and as soon as he was ten yards away his mom and dad got back in the car and drove off and left him.

what they had not counted on was a desert ranger helicopter overhead which had seen the whole thing.

clint eastwood was in the helicopter and he came down and picked up jeremy and then caught up with his mom and dad in their car.

jeremy’s dad apologized and explained that they had just forgotten jeremy and would have turned back as soon as they realized he was not with them.

clint eastwood fixed jeremy’s dad with his implacable gaze.

“i will let it go this time, sir, do not let it happen again.”

jeremy’s mom's and dad’s next attempt was on the subway.

they flew with jeremy to the biggest city in the world with the biggest subway system and found the busiest connecting stop.

they pointed to a young woman playing a zither, with a cap on the ground in front of her, and gave jeremy a dollar to put in the cap. then they discreetly made their way to the door just opening on the inbound train.

but margaret thatcher and the pope happened to be on the platform and they alerted jeremy to his perilous situation.

the pope looked on with a sad face as margaret thatcher soundly berated jeremy’s mom and dad for their negligence.

jeremy’s parents decided to give it one more try - at the zoo.

they took jeremy to the biggest zoo in the world and slipped away while jeremy was trying to make eye contact with an olive baboon.

this time it worked.

when the zoo closed, jeremy was left alone with the animals.

nothing daunted by his predicament, jeremy proceeded to organize the animals in a rebellion against the human race.

the animals, with jeremy as emperor, took over the planet.

but because the animals, on taking power, did not immediately have at their disposal a means of keeping track of all the humans, jeremy was never able to find his parents, who, fearing his vengeance, vanished into the sunset.

so in the end jeremy’s mom and dad achieved their goal, and never saw or had to put up with jeremy again.


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