The Scottish Play; or, Stand Not Upon the Order of Your Going, But Go at Once

by Dan Leo

illustrated by konrad kraus and rhoda penmarq

Mr. Y’s entire life was a piece of underground performance art and so it was no great leap really when he became an actor. One time he played Banquo in Macbeth (known in the theatre world as the bad luck play, a play even the title of which must not ever be spoken, lest calamity ensue) and on the last night of the run after finishing his last scene he yanked off his false beard and his wig, wiped the spirit gum and make-up from his face, changed into his street clothes, and sat down in his dressing room chair with a can of beer, waiting for the play to end so he could go out to the bar with the rest of the cast. Imagine his surprise when the stage manager came in and yelled: “Mr. Y! What are you doing? You’re on again in two minutes!” Mr. Y had forgotten he had one more scene to do. Desperately he put down his beer, Stripped off some of his street clothes, threw on some of his costume, slapped some spirit gum onto his face along with some tufts of fake beard, clapped on his wig, poured some fake blood over his head, then ran out onto the stage, and played the scene. The audience was appalled and moved by the horrible frightening spectre of Banquo’s ghost. Then Mr. Y went backstage, pulled off the ragged tufts of beard and the wig, wiped off the spirit gum and fake blood, changed his clothes, sat down, and finished his can of beer.