Saturday, August 27, 2011

The Baltimore Catechism, Part Two

Basically, if you died with a mortal sin on your soul you were screwed. For all eternity.

Fr. Murray said, "Okay, who can tell me how many Gods there are?" Gooney McFarland waved his hand furiously. "Okay, McFarland, how many Gods are there?" "There are three Gods! The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost!" "Wrong!" said Fr. Murray. Poor Gooney, he just didn't get it.

Of course in real life every Saturday afternoon we all went right from confession at St. Helena's to a double-bill of "Bad Movie" just two blocks down the street at the Fern Rock Theatre.

And I thought my old man was a tough guy.

Everyone in the class shifted uncomfortably in their seats when Fr. Murray explained this part.

Fr. Murray was trying to explain this one to us when all of a sudden there was this awful gagging sound from the back of the class. My first thought was that Gooney was acting up again, but it turned out it was little Timmy Ferguson, throwing up on his desk.

When Fr. Murray was talking about bad companions his eyes kept flickering over there to Gooney McFarland, sitting in the back row closest to the door.

With a tongue of fire on your head
You're bound for heaven when you're dead.

Too bad, Dad, you've been overruled.

I really wanted to see that new Steve Reeves "Roman" movie but I was racked with guilt because I had eaten a hot dog at Kresge's on a Friday.

Fr. Murray was explaining this one to us when Gooney McFarland started frantically waving his hand again. Finally Fr. Murray asked him what his question was, and after Gooney asked it he had to go up and lean over the desk while Fr. Murray got out the pingpong paddle.


kathleenmaher said...

It always surprises me that this stuff still bothers me. I should be used to it. But if my grandparents and then my own parents weren't so righteously Catholic...who knows?
(Great ilos, btw.)

Anonymous said...

You say all these things like you're proud of what you did

Dr John Smythe said...

So true, Anonymous, so true. Pride was, after all, the original sin.

It is like that old muffler commercial, "You can pay me now or you can pay me later."

Those who think they can pay later (or do not have to at all!) will not be the one's smiling; hence why they are allowed to smile about it now.