pete x was a lumberjack.
he lived in the town dump.
quigley was a republican.
pete woke up one day and decided to set the world right.
it was a felicitous time for action.
pete saw a joker in the deck up ahead in the moonlight.
as the joker got closer a terrible thing happened to pete’s brain.
why do you do this to me and act like a monster, pete asked the joker.
your brain is useless to me, the joker told pete in no uncertain terms and passed him by and entered the highway to the great city.
suddenly pete had a vision of the future and fell down on the ground, totally appalled.
then both pete and the joker heard a voice in the sky like a clap of thunder.
and a collaborator appeared in the sky.
pete decided then and there to adopt a new identity.
but that turned out to not be so easy as it had been in previous generations.
and he did not have much time as a patrol car was rapidly approaching him on the broad highway.
the patrol car stopped and the joker and the collaborator stepped out of it in their brand new identity patrol uniforms.
and new identities.
the joker was pope joan and jenny nightingale and the collaborator was confucius and christopher columbus.
i should have thought of that, pete thought resignedly.
poor boy, they took him down to the station and booked him and put him deep in the jail and took the key and threw it in the deepest part of the widest river.
that flowed on down to the sea.
let this be a lesson to all who try to change their identities without getting a good lawyer and thinking their plans through.
joan the joker and christopher the collaborator went down to the corner drugstore and ordered coffee and the best apple pie in town.
the key to pete’s cell was washed by the mighty river on down to the deepest ocean where it as swallowed by a white shark.
who was swallowed in turn by a blue whale.
you know the rest.
it is the old story.
the old army game.
you can run but you can not hide.
until the next time.
and the next ship on the horizon .
pete should have stuck with what he knew - being the best darn lumberjack he could be.
and so should we all.
what about quigley?
oh right, quigley. i will get him next time.
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