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Monday, May 26, 2025

chairman - 8. ice water


by fred flynn

part 8 of ?

for previous episode, click here

to begin at the beginning, click here



good morning, citizen. have a seat.

thank you.

you are edward j smith. of 33 chestnut avenue, apartment 4, waverleyville?

that is me.

you are unemployed?

at present, yes.

you live with, and are supported by, your mother?

yes, and i appreciate it. she is the greatest mom, and the greatest person in the world.

no doubt. you are a frequent patron of mcdonalds, burger king, dunkin, and other establishments on main street in the downtown area?

you could say that.

and you strike up, or attempt to strike up, conversations with people in these establishments and sometimes ask them to take quizzes?

yes i do, but not as successfully as i would like. is there any law against it?

you recently made the acquaintance of another person calling himself edward smith and you administered a quiz to him, one you had previously administered on other occasions to a mister vincent wallace and to a ms coral kennedy.

“administered” makes it sound like they had to take it. they all agreed to take it.

we have a recording of your conversation with this edward smith. i am going to play it back to you so that you can verify its authenticity.

if you say you have it, i don’t doubt it.

for the record, we want you verify it.

whatever. what is your name, by the way? is it edward smith?

no, it is charles ashley.

charles ashey took what looked like a smartphone out of his desk and pressed a button on it and it played back eddie’s first conversation with eddie 2.

does that sound accurate?

i guess.

nothing deleted or added?

not that i noticed.

good. now i understand that you had a second part to this quiz, that you were prepared to administer to edward smith number 2.

that is correct.

do you have this quiz on your phone?

i could probably find notes for it. but i could just ask you the questions. wouldn’t that be easier?

i suppose it could. but we may want to look at the notes later.

can i have a glass of water?

charles ashley sighed. oh, i suppose so.

is it that big a deal? people in hell want ice water, i will take a glass of water without ice.


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Sunday, May 11, 2025

chairman - 7 . the agents


by fred flynn

part 7 of ?

for previous episode, click here

to begin at the beginning, click here



eddie smith 1 took a sip of his glass of water. he tapped his phone.

i am ready if you are, he told eddie smith 2.

i said i was ready, eddie 2 replied genially.

just then the door of the emporium opened and two persons - a short woman and a tall broad shouldered man - entered. they both wore the trench coat and fedora which were the effective uniform of the security police.

they made straight for the table at which the two eddie smiths were sitting.

are either of you eddie smith? the woman asked, as she took her phone out of her trench coat pocket.

we both are, they replied together, eddie 1 with a straight face, eddie 2 with his trademark ingratiating grin.

very funny. are either or both of you the eddie smith who bothers people by asking them questions that are none of his business?

i strike up conversations with people, eddie 1 replied, and sometimes ask them questions. i believe that is my right as a citizen.

the two agents laughed.

and do you give them questionnaires to fill out? the man asked.

i might, after asking them if they would like to do so.

do you give them the impression that you ask them these questions in some official capacity? the man continued.

i never say i act in any official capacity, eddie 1 replied stoutly.

that is all very well, the woman said. but do you actually say that you are not acting in an official capacity?

um - i try to keep the conversations on a friendly basis.

the woman nodded. right. and do you happen to have one any of these questions on your person at this time, on your phone or otherwise?

eddie 1 hesitated. yes, i do.

great. come with us and we can take a look at them. i am agent dworkin, by the way, and this is agent khayyam.

and you, the man identified as agent khayyam addressed eddie 2, where do you fit into all this?

i was just going to answer some of this gentleman’s questions, which he politely asked me to do.

and you do not ask people questions yourself?

not in any systematic manner. i might ask someone if they knew the time, or the daily news or forecast.

agent khayyam glared at eddie 2. if you say so. we will let you go. for now.

agent khayyam took eddie 2’s picture.


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Monday, May 5, 2025

a tale of two saints


by horace p sternwall




don tomas garcia was a gentleman, and had a pedigree to prove it, dating back to the birth of the republic.

he was also a gambler who cheated at cards and a duelist who could, and did, easily dispatch anyone foolish enough to challenge him, for his cheating or for anything else.

so egregious did his conduct become in this regard, that colonel marquez, the proprietor of the capital city’s only respectable casino, complained to don jaime mendoza, the governor of the province, that he, colonel marquez, was being deprived of more than half his business because the gentlemen of the capital were shunning his establishment, out of fear of don tomas.

i only ask your advice, excellency, the colonel pleaded. i do not expect any action from you, either personally or in your official capacity.

well then, here is what you should do. have one of your humblest employees challenge tomas for his play, in the presence of as many forewarned gentlemen as possible. since the employee is not a gentleman, tomaso will not challenge him but simply kill him on the spot. the assembled gentlemen will then overpower tomaso and bear him off to jail. you will have provided sufficient sums to the sheriff that tomaso will not be able to buy his way out of captivity. tomaso will then be judged by a jury of his peers and delivered to the hangman. how does that sound?

how will i persuade my humble employee to take this part in the farce?

find a way. now, if you will excuse me…,

the colonel found a way, involving a promise to arrange an advantageous marriage of the employee’s comely daughter to a newly wealthy dealer in saddles and spurs.

when the time came, all went as planned. don tomas was duly sent to the gallows. the only remarks he made at his sentencing were to the effect that the jurors were cowards who dared not face him on the field of honor, where he claimed he could have taken them all on at once,

now, it should be noted that don tomas, despite his impeccable pedigree in the official records, had not been immune to jesting remarks, behind his back, as to his actual lineage. his physiognomy was thought to bear the marks of the inhabitants of the region who had lived there since before the establishment of the republic by the bearers of civilization. he was, in fact, often referred to as “the peasant” or “the native”, by the common people , and by the less prudent of his enemies.

at the time our story takes place, the region had been illuminated, or troubled, depending on one’s point of view, by a wandering preacher, calling himself brother joachim, who took to the roads and hills inveighing against the greed and corruption of the ruling classes, in the time-honored manner of such persons. he was regarded as a saint by many of the humble class.

brother joachim took up the cause of don tomas, taking at face value his names of “peasant’ and ”native” and proclaiming him a martyr. much of the native population, especially those most remote from the capital, heeded his words.

don tomas, like brother joachim himself, was remembered as a saint.

years, and centuries, passed.

brother joachim has been forgotten, but the memory of saint tomas the peasant still lives on in some distant hamlets, between the rivers and the mountains of the republic.