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Monday, February 17, 2025

albert and billy


by horace p sternwall



albert was a gambler
he bet with billy’s money
albert’s horses came in last
billy looked at albert funny

albert, said billy thoughtfully
with his chin in his hand
i love you like a brother
but your choices are not grand

billy had a gal named sal
whom he could not afford to wed
when the losses mounted up
albert scratched his head

billy, said albert
i have a master plan
in a shack down by the river
there lives an old man

stop right there, said billy
and do not further go
i have heard this story many times
beginning long ago

the old man with a bag of gold
is older than adam and eve
and there is a long trail a-winding
of chumps who did believe

so i am a chump, am i?
albert angrily replied
you have insulted me, billy
and, poor boy, now you must die

without further ado
albert pulled out a pistol heavy
and shot poor billy full of holes
and dumped his body in the levee

albert took to the swamp
to escape sheriff john brown
and among law-abiding folks
his name evokes a frown

as for the old man
in his shack by the old mill stream
he lives on forever
in the gambler’s and outlaw’s dream


Saturday, February 1, 2025

william and joe



by dog e relaford



william made a sandwich
he ate half and saved the other
when he was born
he had a father and a mother

he was born in america
the greatest of nations
but he did all things
in moderation

he looked both ways
when he crossed the street
he hoped some day
a nice girl to meet

across the street
lived a man named joe
but unlike william
he did not go with the flow

joe was different
from his fellow creatures
but on the surface
he had regular features

joe had a secret
held tight in his brain
he was emperor of portugal
and king of spain

a distant galaxy
was down the street
he walked past it every morning
with shoes on his feet

whenever he saw william
joe ignored him but good
and felt that he did not belong
in the neighborhood

williiam and joe
were separated at birth
joe got the sky
and william got the earth


Sunday, January 26, 2025

eddie



by nick nelson



i had traveled a long way down a dark road.

i came to a place. it looked like some sort of diner but was not well lit.

it looked small from the outside but when you went inside it seemed to have a lot of rooms.

this guy was sitting alone in a booth.

he looked at me and said hello. i did not recognize him but he looked like an ordinary guy, like me.

i sat down and we got to talking.

his name was eddie. he told me all about himself and i got to feeling i had known him all my life.

suddenly, he said excuse me, and got up and went into one of the back rooms.

i sipped my cup of cold black coffee and waited for him to return.

i waited and waited.

finally a waitress in a standard issue pink waitress dress came over to me.

i am waiting for someone, i told her.

you mean eddie?

that’s right, eddie.

i am sorry to inform you that eddie is dead.

i was stunned - more than i had ever been when anybody i really knew well died.

how did it happen, i asked.

i have some even worse news for you, the waitress said.

what is that?

eddie never really existed.

i woke up.

it was six in the morning. i had to go to work.



Monday, January 20, 2025

henry and the window



by nick nelson



why are you looking out the window, henry?

what? what kind of stupid question is that? why am i looking out the window? because looking out the window is what i do! it is what i have been doing for thirty years? what else am i going to do?

i am sorry, i did not mean to upset you.

whatever possessed you to ask such a question?

i was reading this article in the newspaper, and i -

yes? go on.

it was about loneliness. it said there was an epidemic of loneliness in this country, and in the world -

what has that got to do with me looking out the window?

it just got me to thinking - we don’t talk much any more -

no, not for about twenty-five years. do you suddenly have something to say?

i thought we might just chat once in a while - about - about politics, about our favorite books - about the old days -

the old days! you want to talk about the old days, after what happened to me -

well, the days before that - you know what i mean, i am sorry, i did not mean to upset you.

after what happened to me forty years ago.

just forget i said anything.

epidemic of loneliness! that is the dumbest thing i ever heard. what next - an epidemic of people not tying their shoes?

it is getting on to lunchtime, henry. would you like something a little earlier than usual, it might calm you down.

i do not need to be calmed down. but you can bring me a ham and cheese sandwich, if you would be so kind, and put enough mustard on it this time.



Thursday, December 19, 2024

winter winds



by nick nelson



an opossum crosses a road

a psychopath drives a porsche

the woods are quiet

all responses are recorded and classified

some people never learn

a toad waits by the roadside

an undertaker looks out the window at the moon

violence never solved anything

what are you looking at?

i am tired of your excuses

the yak crossed the desert

zero hour is still a ways off

maybe the joke is on you after all

albert had a deficient sense of humor



Monday, December 9, 2024

master



by anonymous



he sun shines but not on my upper cerebrum

the wind blows but not on my lettuce and tomato sandwich

the rain falls on my exposed brain

i am the master of time and space

i know all truths of all times

i know all meanings of all words

aardvarks blossom in the circus of dynamite

elephants flower in the great hall of the escaped inmates

jesters and kings share lasagna and mushrooms in the necropolis of the obsolescent

you may presume to question my references

but sam jones thought my understanding variously wise

no wiser, i excused his youth

i have nothing to prove, not even to the termites

i am ready to go

but not just yet



Tuesday, December 3, 2024

autumn leaves



by nick nelson



an apple falls from a tree

a banana travels on a boat

a cat sits in a window

a dog barks at a human

an elephant tramples a vegetable garden

a fox hides in the woods

a grape is placed in cleopatra’s mouth

a hobo sleeps in a haystack

i never thought i would see the day

the joke is on me

a king waves from a balcony

a lady sits on a chaise longue, sipping a cup of chamomile tea

maybe tomorrow will be better’

never say die