winter winds

by nick nelson

an opossum crosses a road a psychopath drives a porsche the woods are quiet all responses are recorded and classified some people never learn a toad waits by the roadside an undertaker looks out the window at the moon violence never solved anything what are you looking at? i am tired of your excuses the yak crossed the desert zero hour is still a ways off maybe the joke is on you after all albert had a deficient sense of humor

master

by anonymous

he sun shines but not on my upper cerebrum the wind blows but not on my lettuce and tomato sandwich the rain falls on my exposed brain i am the master of time and space i know all truths of all times i know all meanings of all words aardvarks blossom in the circus of dynamite elephants flower in the great hall of the escaped inmates jesters and kings share lasagna and mushrooms in the necropolis of the obsolescent you may presume to question my references but sam jones thought my understanding variously wise no wiser, i excused his youth i have nothing to prove, not even to the termites i am ready to go but not just yet

autumn leaves

by nick nelson

an apple falls from a tree a banana travels on a boat a cat sits in a window a dog barks at a human an elephant tramples a vegetable garden a fox hides in the woods a grape is placed in cleopatra’s mouth a hobo sleeps in a haystack i never thought i would see the day the joke is on me a king waves from a balcony a lady sits on a chaise longue, sipping a cup of chamomile tea maybe tomorrow will be better’ never say die

station

by horace p sternwall

i was walking down the street with wings on my feet a chap asked me the time i threw him a dime i wanted a nickel, you fool he shouted as we ran back to school where the history teacher, mister fire was discoursing on the roman empire we shook the dust off our shoes and told everybody the news that civilization was dead and we should all have fun instead our pleas fell on deaf ears those were the lean years we felt no elation when, after a long journey, we finally arrived at the railroad station

testament, part 2

by horace p sternwall

part two of two

leonardo da vinci had a master plan he wrote words in the wind and drew pictures in the sand mary magdalen lived in a house she had a dog for a cat and a cat for a mouse nebuchadnezzar kept his fireplace hot he welcomed all wisdom but banished all thought old king cole had a cow and a mule he ate in the stables and slept on a stool pope innocent the second stayed all day in bed with a pipe he never smoked and a book he never read the queen of sheba had mountains of gold but the story of how she spent it will never be told good king richard in the holy land fought king john was a bad man but richard was not sinbad the sailor had a thousand tales to tell he sat in the market with nothing to buy or sell friar tuck and little john sat in the trees and watched the sheriff ride on by with their hands on their knees under the midnight sky all things must pass uncle bud drives his wagon past the rabbit in the grass very soon the vikings will return - a mighty host king arthur and sir galahad will only be ghosts listen to my words and please excuse my rhyme you will never get a nickel only a lousy dime end of part 2

testament, part 1

by horace p sternwall

part one of two

adam had an apple he gave it to eve he told her a story she did not believe blackbeard the pirate was quite a guy he swam in the water and looked at the sky christopher columbus sailed the ocean sea he was a guy just like you and me delilah was a woman with long curly hair she danced in the circus and won prizes at the fair erwin schrodinger had a cat and not a dog he went for a walk and got lost in the fog fatima was a dancer graceful as a fawn she smiled at the sultan and danced until dawn george washington cut down an apple tree consumed with guilt he ran off to sea henry the eighth was fond of steak and kidney pie and drank a river of wine that never ran dry isaac newton let the rain come in he never drank whiskey and he never drank gin prester john was a man of few words he walked in the sand and listened to the birds the king of the world has no home and no throne he rides his mule and throws his dog a bone end of part 1

walter's game

by nick nelson

walter wilson was filled with energy, but it quickly dissipated. he had been born many years ago, as the crow flies. when he was six years old, his contract had been purchased by vince vinson, the richest man in the world. now walter’s contract was up for renewal. walter had hired lillian jones as his agent to negotiate his new contract, but lillian was getting old in her game. naturally, vince vinson did not take any part in these humble negotiations himself. walter was nobody, and lillian was not much more than that. lillian gave walter a date to come to her office to update the information she had, so that she could renegotiate his contract * the date was fourteen days away, but walter only had enough credit for twelve days. what was he to do? he decided to go downtown and hang out on the corner and maybe something would come up. at first, nothing did. walter felt increasingly desperate. he decided to close his eyes and then open them and maybe something would be there. he followed this procedure, counting to ten while he kept his eyes closed. when he opened them again, he was no longer downtown on the corner, but on an ocean liner in the middle of the atlantic ocean. he was leaning on the rail, watching a great white shark frolicking in the wake of the ocean liner. the sun beat down on his head, which was protected by a stiff straw hat. you should throw that hat to the shark, said a melodious voice beside him. but then the sun will beat down on my head, walter replied. those are the chances you have to take, the melodious voice intoned. walter dutifully took the hat off and threw it to the shark. he was accustomed to following orders and had done so all his life.