albert and billy

by horace p sternwall

albert was a gambler he bet with billy’s money albert’s horses came in last billy looked at albert funny albert, said billy thoughtfully with his chin in his hand i love you like a brother but your choices are not grand billy had a gal named sal whom he could not afford to wed when the losses mounted up albert scratched his head billy, said albert i have a master plan in a shack down by the river there lives an old man stop right there, said billy and do not further go i have heard this story many times beginning long ago the old man with a bag of gold is older than adam and eve and there is a long trail a-winding of chumps who did believe so i am a chump, am i? albert angrily replied you have insulted me, billy and, poor boy, now you must die without further ado albert pulled out a pistol heavy and shot poor billy full of holes and dumped his body in the levee albert took to the swamp to escape sheriff john brown and among law-abiding folks his name evokes a frown as for the old man in his shack by the old mill stream he lives on forever in the gambler’s and outlaw’s dream

william and joe

by dog e relaford

william made a sandwich he ate half and saved the other when he was born he had a father and a mother he was born in america the greatest of nations but he did all things in moderation he looked both ways when he crossed the street he hoped some day a nice girl to meet across the street lived a man named joe but unlike william he did not go with the flow joe was different from his fellow creatures but on the surface he had regular features joe had a secret held tight in his brain he was emperor of portugal and king of spain a distant galaxy was down the street he walked past it every morning with shoes on his feet whenever he saw william joe ignored him but good and felt that he did not belong in the neighborhood williiam and joe were separated at birth joe got the sky and william got the earth

eddie

by nick nelson

i had traveled a long way down a dark road. i came to a place. it looked like some sort of diner but was not well lit. it looked small from the outside but when you went inside it seemed to have a lot of rooms. this guy was sitting alone in a booth. he looked at me and said hello. i did not recognize him but he looked like an ordinary guy, like me. i sat down and we got to talking. his name was eddie. he told me all about himself and i got to feeling i had known him all my life. suddenly, he said excuse me, and got up and went into one of the back rooms. i sipped my cup of cold black coffee and waited for him to return. i waited and waited. finally a waitress in a standard issue pink waitress dress came over to me. i am waiting for someone, i told her. you mean eddie? that’s right, eddie. i am sorry to inform you that eddie is dead. i was stunned - more than i had ever been when anybody i really knew well died. how did it happen, i asked. i have some even worse news for you, the waitress said. what is that? eddie never really existed. i woke up. it was six in the morning. i had to go to work.

henry and the window

by nick nelson

why are you looking out the window, henry? what? what kind of stupid question is that? why am i looking out the window? because looking out the window is what i do! it is what i have been doing for thirty years? what else am i going to do? i am sorry, i did not mean to upset you. whatever possessed you to ask such a question? i was reading this article in the newspaper, and i - yes? go on. it was about loneliness. it said there was an epidemic of loneliness in this country, and in the world - what has that got to do with me looking out the window? it just got me to thinking - we don’t talk much any more - no, not for about twenty-five years. do you suddenly have something to say? i thought we might just chat once in a while - about - about politics, about our favorite books - about the old days - the old days! you want to talk about the old days, after what happened to me - well, the days before that - you know what i mean, i am sorry, i did not mean to upset you. after what happened to me forty years ago. just forget i said anything. epidemic of loneliness! that is the dumbest thing i ever heard. what next - an epidemic of people not tying their shoes? it is getting on to lunchtime, henry. would you like something a little earlier than usual, it might calm you down. i do not need to be calmed down. but you can bring me a ham and cheese sandwich, if you would be so kind, and put enough mustard on it this time.

winter winds

by nick nelson

an opossum crosses a road a psychopath drives a porsche the woods are quiet all responses are recorded and classified some people never learn a toad waits by the roadside an undertaker looks out the window at the moon violence never solved anything what are you looking at? i am tired of your excuses the yak crossed the desert zero hour is still a ways off maybe the joke is on you after all albert had a deficient sense of humor

master

by anonymous

he sun shines but not on my upper cerebrum the wind blows but not on my lettuce and tomato sandwich the rain falls on my exposed brain i am the master of time and space i know all truths of all times i know all meanings of all words aardvarks blossom in the circus of dynamite elephants flower in the great hall of the escaped inmates jesters and kings share lasagna and mushrooms in the necropolis of the obsolescent you may presume to question my references but sam jones thought my understanding variously wise no wiser, i excused his youth i have nothing to prove, not even to the termites i am ready to go but not just yet

autumn leaves

by nick nelson

an apple falls from a tree a banana travels on a boat a cat sits in a window a dog barks at a human an elephant tramples a vegetable garden a fox hides in the woods a grape is placed in cleopatra’s mouth a hobo sleeps in a haystack i never thought i would see the day the joke is on me a king waves from a balcony a lady sits on a chaise longue, sipping a cup of chamomile tea maybe tomorrow will be better’ never say die