Tuesday, July 13, 2010

One truth: If the Earth Humans have any one thing to contribute to the Galactic cultural record (and so the Council has deemed it be, for in subsection 243d7 of the Act Regarding Regrettable Exterminations of Substandard Species it is very clear that a population of this size and nature rates only the minimum default in terms of Recollective Cultural Monuments), that thing is their culturally ubiquitous Big Mac foodstuff.

This dish embodies all the waste, greed, and sensory excess of this tragically flawed species and represents their truest arts, those of constructing destructive mechanisms (in this case a food-protein extraction system not only cruel but ultimately a contributing factor in the poor, stumbling creatures' need to be put out of their prion-rotted, hopeless collective misery...imagine eating one's own direct genetic cousins!) and of appreciating the glories of destruction and entropy.

It is no surprise to this Council that the unfortunate Humans have reached this pass, with not even Galactic intervention now capable of rescuing their broken telomeres, damaged and frankly radioactive biome, or repairing their violence-addicted group mind. We did try to warn them, but they just beat up the emissaries and stole their vehicles and clothing.

We are in fact happy that the physical and memetic diseases bred in that hellworld will not have a chance to spread to Galactic culture, now that the Planetary Cleanser has mopped up the last of those demon-monkeys. Now, if you gentlebeings will open your packages, I give to you the latest addition to Galactic cuisine and the epitaph of a brave, yet failed species. The food has been safely adjusted for your individual chemistries... you may absorb without restraint.

3 comments:

Dan Leo said...

Yum.

human being said...

as long as we have such foods, we will survive...

:)

kathleenmaher said...

Yipes--true thing--I've never ingested anything from McDonald's except coffee and tea, both of which tasted strange, and were I at all paranoid, slightly toxic.