pa(i)nic

by nooshin azadi

illustration by rhoda penmarq

. nothing is more painful than being an individual among a herd of sheep... knowledge is just pain... what's the use of it when no one believes you? when no one even listens to you... even your very first words frighten them... they can never accept that they are responsible for their fate... they all want to cling to a power... to feel safe... all they want is a leader... a guardian... a god... to cling to... to follow... and  to blame for their lacks... for their luck... for their fate... they are lazy... they are childish... they are immature... they just cling to their primal instincts... that's why they are all the time in a state of fear and want to cling... they don't want to try something new... even they don't accept to cook their food in a new way so that they can benefit from a more nutritious meal... they are even afraid of treating their children in a new way so that they can be better human beings... less biased... tolerant of differences among people... all are thoughtlessly and obediently following a trodden path... a path leading to a deadly deep gorge... what can you do with a herd of sheep stepping into a circle of wolves? you warn them... you shout... you explain... you beg... you lovingly embrace them one by one and tell them where they are going... but they just follow the path... they cannot think... they cannot analyze... they push you aside... they just want to kill you standing on their way... you see this in their eyes...  just one force is functioning in them... being a follower... you sound like devil to them... you frighten them... you suffer from all this but try to stand up... not once... many times... each time with more wounds and bruises... soon you find out no individual can stand up against a herd in stampede... you feel their hurried and agitated steps on your body... on your soul... you know the cause of their panic... fear is lack of knowledge... you know it... but you are stamped down under the steps of fear... and die... you die while you know... knowledge is just pain... what's the use of it when no one believes you? .