you never nobody

by bofa xesjum

johnny woke up. he was nobody. his elephant was gone. and his sunshine had expired. he had fifteen minutes to yell bloody murder. but he decided to float down the muddy river instead. omar had been his best friend. he had been lucky to even have one. a shadow fell across the crack under the door. who could it be but fred? fred opened the door without ceremony, and without any respect for johnny’s privacy, in the way that he had . you ready to sell that elephent? fred asked vigorously. the elephant is gone. fred looked around the room. he could see that the elephant was gone. where did it go? danged if i know, johnny replied soberly. let’s go out in the street and see what is going on. might as well, johnny replied wearily, outside in the street, a lot was going on. the security police in their red uniforms had descended on the town. and were rounding people up with their blue batons. and lining them up on the sidewalk. johnny and fred quickly found themselves in line with the rest of the riffraff. where was omar? johnny wondered. j omar had been his best friend. it would be great to see him again.

round one

by bofa xesjum

achilles was a hero billy the kid was an outlaw christopher columbus was the ——— worst person who ever lived delilah was a woman ernest hemingway was the ——— greatest writer of the twentieth century f scott fitzgerald was the —————— greatest writer of the twentieth century george weashington rode a white horse houdini was a magician iskander wept by the river j k rowling was the ——— worst person who ever lived king arthur was sad lancelot was not much fun moses wandered in the desert nero was an emperor ossian was a bard prester john was a bard and an emperor queen victoria had a castle in scotland robin hood was an outlaw samson was a man turn out the lights understanding is the fruit virtue is the tree the wind bloweth whee it listeth excuse my ignorance yeti did his own thing zorioaster was a prophet

happy song

by horace p sternwall

johnny went down to the station to buy his poor dog a bone on his way he met hercules, carrying a heavy stone hercuiles, said johnny, why do you come on so strong why don’t you put down that rock, and sing a happy song? hercules responded, in his patented way why must i listen to this garbage all day? the world has mistreated me, since the dawn of time for every nickel you take from me, i want back a dime john d rockefeller walked the street and covered miles without missing a beat he never said hello, or had anything to say but used his white privilege to make money every day adolf hitler watched the skies his hair fell down across his eyes he had a mustache he could not curl and destroyed the earth because he could not get a girl bobo raised rattlesnakes, bozo raised pigs they drank cheap whiskey and wore blond wigs they lived in the countryside, far from the crowd and hated each other but never said so out loud in a little town on the coast of spain on the corner of 201st street and main a banana and an apple sold shares of stock in a bridge from gibraltar to plymouth rock the same old story, over again when women were women, and men were men adam sold apples, and eve sold trees and peter pan was left swinging in the breeze one, two, three, four, five,, six, seven, eight, nine. ten omar khayyam was the saddest of men his jug was empty and his poems would not rhyme he fell in the river and was covered with slime

robin

by horace p sternwall

roses are red lilies are white robin was a robber and rode through the night roses are red bluebonnets are blue he rode like the wind and his aim was true the trees are old the leaves are new the grass is green the sky is blue kingdoms rise and empires fall there is always an outlaw to answer the call

crack - 26. dark highway

by nick nelson

part 26 of 26

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to begin at the beginning, click here

want a lift? sure. thank you. where you headed? away. how far away? aways. i am headed that way myself. good. maybe quite aways, maybe not so quite aways. better and better. can i ask you a question? go for it. are you on a mission? um - no, i wouldn’t say so. i am. i’m impressed. an ancient and honorable mission - vengeance. on everybody that’s ever done me wrong. and that’s a lot of people. i am sorry to hear that. sorry that you were done wring, i mean. my name is slim, by the way, just slim? slim i usually from some place, like omaha slim, or madagascar silim, or lithuania slim, or wherever. i used to be but now i am just slim. it’s more anonymous that way. i guess so. this sure is a dark highway. highway’s always been dark. i don’t know. i read somewhere it used to be bustling. the spinal cord or the life blood of civilization or something like that. shouldn’t believe anything you read. always been dark as far back as i know, and that’s a long time. i defer to your judgment and experience. defer, that’s a good twenty dollar word. what ’s your name, by the way? smith - bill smith. the end

crack - 25. after all

by nick nelson

part 25 of ?

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to begin at the beginning, click here

a lazy afternoon at the police station. friday was trying to clean up her pending files as best she could before her day off. she had sent a message to william wilson two days earlier informing him that the thirty day period he had to appeal the closing of his case had expired, and asking him to acknowledge that he had received her notice. not that it was necessary that he send a response - the case was closed anyway - but she would have liked to have it in the file. he had not responded. that is odd, she thought. i know his type - persistent, and at least wanting to get the last word in. something is off here. she sent him another message, ending - mister wilson please respond. two hours later, when she was ready to leave, he had not answered . very strange, she thought. according to him, he has no job, and nothing to do all day. she decided to drop in on him on her way home. * there were no cars parked outside bill smith’s house. friday knew william did not have a car or a license to drive one, but bill smith probably did. did he drive into the city to his office? she rang the doorbell. twice. no answer. she had not expected one. she tried the door. it opened. she went inside there was a small kitchen to her right. it looked neat and clean, probably not used much. there was a small room to her left with a couch and a coffee table, and two closed doors beyond that. she knocked on both doors. no answers. she tried the first door. it was locked. she tried the second door. it opened. william was lying face up on a small bed. friday saw right away that he was dead. there were no signs of violence or struggle. but there was a small yellow post-it note stuck on his shirt front. on it was scrawled , in what looked like deliberately “clumsy” handwriting - got ya! so, someone had been after him after all. is this the end - or the beginning? friday called constantine. next

crack - 24. corpus delicti

by nick nelson

part 24 of ?

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we got you this time, slim, old buddy. got you good. so why don’t you just come clean and save us all a lot of trouble? you got nothing on me, agent. nothing. no corpus delicti. nothing. we have the truck and you sitting in it. fred fifty-two’s truck. and we know fred fifty-two had the money. so, the question is, where is the money. i told you how i got the truck. if you don’t want to believe me, that is your problem and i never heard of fred fifty-two. yes, you were walking down the road, and little jack horner came along with the truck and gave it to you because he did’t know how to drive it. ha ha. at least it is kind of original. there you go. i could not have made it up. that is what they all say. i got nothing more to say. agent jones nodded to deputy brown, who was standing behind slim. take him away. how far back in the jail? way back. way, way back. someone will pay for this. doesn’t sound like my problem. next