johnny and billy

by nick nelson

johnny round and billy square hitched a ride to the county fair billy was born with a hole in his pants while johnny vacationed in the south of france they first into each other bumped at a victory rally for donald trump billy thought trump gave all he had to give johnny thought trump was the worst person who.ever lived though to trump they differently responded billy and johnny immediately bonded and promptly embarked on two fisted romances with each others sisters things went on in this way from the old mill creek to the break of day empires rose and empires fell and billy did not take it well johnny’s sister, clementine waited for billy’s star to shine but as the years floated downstream billy turned out to be not what he seemed one day, after many years billy simply disappeared all his dreams had turned to dust and his life had been a bust clementine was gald to see him to go and herself went with the flow and took up with a guy named brad who all in all did not seem too bad johnny and billy’s sister grace went along at their own pace one day the neighbors looked around johnny and grace were nowhere to be found

albert and bill

by nick nelson

albert jones was a lonely person bill brady was a bad person daniel boone lived in the woods earl grey liked a nice cup of tea frank james as an outlaw gorgeous george was a great guy henry viii liked liked his venison pies well stuffed isaac newton walked along the seashore jesse james wyas an outlaw elvis presley was the king of rock and roll leonardo da vinci was often lost in thought, gazing at the sky old man mose is dead nobody can predict the future of all the movies that could have ben on tv that night-.. the pope lives in rome it gets quiet around here at night robin hood was an oultaw seventy-nine bottles of beer on the wall too late! that treasure will fit under this rock victory is assured why do you care? the exact measurements are unknown youth will be served zoroaster was the first prophet albert jones never won the lottery bill brady conquered the world

mirror in a well lit alley

by bofa xesjum

pity the insolent barbarity of the despised who were only along for the ride while jack and jill went up the hill to deliver a message from garcia to old bill he is a veritbale machiavel quoth leonardo da vnci to william tell as the prnce of samarkand slipped aside after all the locks had been tried and found wanting by the enraged mob of lisping gentlemen and uncouth slobs who had gartered at a moments notice in response to their long buried emotions but jupiter and saturn will nor be fooled by these transparent ghouls and will find jewels of wisdom no better or worse in the mirror in the beguiled benighted universe

waving goodbye

by bofa xesjum

conquerors are red gladiators are blue ubermen are fake fighting men are true assassins are indigenous barbarians are kind kings are empathetic swordsmen pay nobody no mind king judas grew flowers a nomad trampled on them a gothic gladiator put them in a trashcan and wheeled them away an invincible hero and a lovable rogue found a true hero sleeping in a bog the prince of darkness suddenly remembered the villain who stole his dog the dog remembered the earthquake it happened on his birthday he could not blow out all the candles and the word went to hell in a handbasket the handbasket sat in the attic until the war was over people cheered in the streets and waved their checks for a million dollars

mononghohela

by nick nelson

i decided to go into the office and then leave just to put the collosseum back before shelley and 56432 saw me at first, everything went smooth there was no one on the elevator i could see hurkis amd globular through the door. but they did not see me i put the collosseum back in my desk but when i went back into the lobby the elevator was gone and the elevator door was gone don’t panic, i told myself hurkis and globular were still talking hurkis said something and globular laughed mona, holding a styrofoam cup, joined them how i hated them all i crept over to the stairwell door thankfully, it opened now i was in grover’s old office with the thick carpet on the floor from turkey or afghanistan or somewhere there was a big monongohela on the floor the biggest i had ever seen in my life i could hardly make my way around it now i was in the old reception area but where was the door? i was lost again, really lost this time it is the story of my life ' why does everybody hate me? i never did anything to them

winners and losers

by nick nelson

the great war had begun. when the tank battalion turned off the highway, suddenly the desert was filled with grasshoppers. saladin, the battalion commander ,was at a loss. he had been given command of the battalion only because his great-granfdfather had been the greatest hero of the third war. he turned to his batman, lord rowley. rowley had ben a general in the fourth empire’s army, defeated in the previous war but one. what should i do, rowley? he pleaded. do what all great captains do - press on! disaster followed. their mechanisms hopelessly compromised by the swarming insects, the tanks ground to a halt. the opposing army seemed to have no such problems. armaggedon ensued, foretelling tne inevitable surrender, what have i done, saladin wailed. i have brought disgrace upon my house, and disaster on my tribe. cheer up , old fellow, rowley assured him, , it is not so bad as all that. you will live to see another day. and fight more battles,for somebody or something. saladin staggered into the desert. a wandering private soldier, with a bandaged head, approached him. set up a tent, saaldin ordered him, that i may properly surrender. the private obeyed with an ill grace, and went on his way. a deputation from the victors appeared. to saladin’s astonishment, it was led by none other than the great khan in person. i have come here, the khan announced, in respect to the memory of your great-grandfather. one if the greatest warriors the world has ever known. i am the most wretched of men, saladin replied, disgraced as no man has ever been before. it is not so bad as all that, the great khan replied, echoing rowley. there are always winners and losers. give this fellow a drink, he instructed his batman, a deposed emperor. pour it down his throat if you have to.

strangers on the road

by horace p sternwall

apple jones had a strange dream where everything was was it seemed banana brown was his best friend birthday cards to each other they did send cleopatra sailed down the nile but got tired of it after a while daniel boone had a cabin in the woods with millions of dollars of smuggled goods sabu was an elephant boy an identity he did not enjoy frank james was an outlaw bold he wanted silver, but would take gold george washington sat in a tree because that was the way it was meant to be harry houdini wore baggy pants he could sing but he couldn’t dance i am the center of the universe unless somebody else got there first jerry the jumper liked gin and tonics when it came time for action, he got right on it king arthur had a new /young wife he could not make her happy to save his life little john and robin hood wanted to give back to the neighbrhood old man mose lives deep in the swamp you can hear him going clomp clomp clomp nobody knows my rightful name i don’t care, it is only a game out on highway ninety-nine the women drink whiskey and the men drink wine prester john went in search of the pope with a dog, a stick, and a piece of rope the queen of sheba had long red hair and rode a mule to the county fair when good king richard passed her by rain and lightning filled the sky king solomon liked a cup of ale and went in search of the holy grail he came back with a tale to tell around the campfire as night fell