the cowboy

by bofa xesjum

what am i doing here, the cowboy asked himself mournfully. all i wanted was what is rightfully mine. it started to rain. the night was dark and the highway was darker. headlights appeared up ahead. they speeded up as they approached the cowboy. the story of my life, he thought. it had all begun when he was born. he turned and watched the car’s tail lights recede and vanish. another car’s headlights came up behind him, going in the direction he was waking. not that he was really “going” anywhere. this one slowed down as it approached him. would it actually stop? who or what would be in it? would it be a beautiful young woman on the prowl for true love? if it was, he hoped she would not look like jocasta, who had ruined his life. would it be a rich man looking to hire a private secretary, who would be well paid and have all the time in the world to write his book explaining, once and for all, the problems of the human race and what to do about them? would it be a fire breathing young rebel, looking to recruit converts to some glorious cause or other? would it be an old person, desperately wanting a sympathetic soul to listen to the sad story of their wasted life? would it be a serial killer? would it be a law enforcement officer, finding the cowboy at last? the cowboy’s mind drifted back in a flash to all the terrible things he had done in his too short lifetime… the car came to a stop. he was tempted to turn and run back into the shadows from which he had emerged.

the human

by nick nelson

was born by the river in a little shack. we have been down this road before. and we are going down it again, if it all the same to you. outside the wind was howling. and the rain whistled through the trees and the canebrake. a tiger roared and an owl hooted. suddenly there was a knock on the door of the shack. who can that be, mama bear asked mama elephant open up, in the name of the great one, a voice cried, barely making itself heard above the wind. mama bear opened the door with alacrity. a sergeant and two soldiers, all carrying shotguns at the ready, pushed their way inside. this child has not been registered, old sarge cried, pointing to the new born human. of course it has not, mama elephant protested vigorously, it has only just been born. that is no excuse, old sarge retorted,, seize it, he ordered the two soldiers, whose names were dismas and barrabas, pointing to the newborn human. and you two, old sarge continued, report to the registry when it opens at seven o’clock in the morning, to pay your fines, and learn your fates. with that the unholy three left with the child. mana bear and mama elephant, needless to say, never the saw the child again, though, like the rest of the earthly race, they would hear much of its exploits. on their way back to the city with the child, old sarge and his two stooges encountered a trio of ragged wanderers and arrested them and threw them in the back of the wagon with the child, which had been bawling the whole time. can’t you shut that brat up,, the first ragged wanderer, whose name was moses asked. maybe i will shut it up for you. you had best not, dismas informed him, the great leader has big plans for it.. if you say so, the first wanderer answered, but it sure don’t look like much to me. what do you say, boys? best to just go along, the second wanderer, whose name was jesse replied. that’s all you guys ever want to do, moses grumbled. no wonder we never get anywhere. we are going to jail, the third ragged wanderer, whose name was frank, interpolated, and jesse laughed to beat the band. the wind picked up, almost blowing the wagon off the road.

like any more

by nick nelson

i don’t like you any more. so? aren’t you going to leave? no, where would i go? i thought you had all sorts of places you could go. what gave you that idea? you are always talking about the people you used to know. i don’t know them any more. do they know you any more? ask them, if you can find them. so how do i get rid of you? you know the drill. no, i do not. you have lived in the city all our life and you do not know how it works. help me out, i was born yesterday. you have to go down to the registry and make an application. an application for what? to terminate our relationship. we don’t have any relationship! of course we do, i have it recorded. you mean in words? what else? is it recorded so i can listen to it and not have to read it. i don’t read so good. you can’t read at all, who are you kidding. you don’t have to be nasty, that is why i don’t like you any more. i don’t care if you like me, you have to go down to the registry building and make an application to end our relationship. but what is the relationship?’’ i forget, but it is on record. can i hear the recording? it is mine, you should have your own. i don’t have one, you did have one, it is not my fault if you lost it or threw it away. so what do i do? go to the registry, tell them your name and they will look up you and your relationship and they might help you out. might help me out? that is the word. how long will it take? i don’t know, you will just have to go down there and wait in line and find out wait in line! ha, ha! you don’t know. you should pay more attention to your surroundings. what time is the registry open? all day, seven days a week. well, that is something. there are a lot of people in the city, they are always registering for something. maybe i better get going. wait, what is their most busy time? i wouldn’t know. oh. you are not having second thoughts are you? no, i llke you even less now and are more determined than ever to get rid of you. good luck, then.

shower

by nick nelson

every time i tell you to leave you just come back. because i never left in the first place. don’t you know when you are not wanted i know that that the sun will shine. i know that i don’t like you any more. you should get out more. why don’t you go to a movie? there are no movies any more. of course there are. i watched one on my phone this morning when i was taking a shower. how was it? you mean the movie? no, the shower. it got me nice and clean. i am happy to hear it. thank you. what was the movie like? it was all right. what was it all about? it was about a future society where people are not allowed to take showers. why was that? because dinosaurs from the center of the earth had conquered humanity and put them to work building a great bonfire to attract the dinosaurs’ cousins who were searching the galaxy for them. that sounds stupid. you mean the movie or the dinosaurs? the humans, for losing to the dinosaurs. they should have had somebody like genghis khan or george s patton or batman defeat the dinosaurs. i guess they just didn’t think of it. and what did building the bonfires have to do with the humans taking showers? they didn’t have time they were so busy building the bonfire, bonfire singular, not plural. besides, the humans’ hygiene was not a priority for the dinosaurs. and then what? i got out of the shower and got dressed. that tie doesn’t go with that shirt. you are not even wearing a tie. so? who are you to criticize my tie when you are afraid to even wear a tie because you might look foolish for wearing the wrong one. oh, so you are a mind reader now? of course i can read minds. how else could i carry on a civilized and coherent conversation? there you go again. getting off the subject, and away with murder.

checkers

by nick nelson

bradley quietly opened the door to his apartment after a long day of a series of seminars at company headquarters. he sensed that something was wrong. he found his old friend frank turner, whom he had not seen for twenty years, seated at the kitchen table playing checkers with bradley’s ex-wife pauline, whom bradley had not seen in - what was it? - fifteen years. what are you two doing here? bradley managed to sputter. as you can see, we are playing checkers, frank answered smoothly. would you like to play the winner? no, bradley expostulated, i would like an explanation as to why you think you have a right to enter my apartment without do much as a how do you do? calm down, old friend, we have just as much a right to exist as you do. it is not a question of your right to exist, bradley managed to articulate. it is a question of your right to invade my space. pauline spoke for the first time. what about the right of agnes detworth to her own space? agnes detworth! leave her out of this. < p> leave her out of this? the way you left her by the side of the highway in 1985? bradley was speechless. i need a drink, he muttered. there is still some wine in the refrigerator, frank assured him. we were considerate enough to leave you some. pauline laughed, as if frank had said something profoundly witty. which, in a curiously perverse way, he had. bradley looked at the old fashioned clock on the kitchen wall. it read 7:27. just as it had on that long ago day when he had first met frank at ray’s bar, where all the sociology students hung out after class…

getting late

by nick nelson

it was getting late - very late. harold had been waiting on the corner for walter for hours. it started to rain. harold was a loyal and patient person. and he had put up with a lot from walter over the years since they had been at the institute together. harold and walter and francine and rose had been assigned to a pod when they arrived, bright and smiling, at the institute. francine would go in to a fine career at the institute but rose and walter had washed out on the second day and haroldoin the third day. they had agreed to meet at a motel outside the institute’s walls if they washed out early, and they did. rose and walter had decided to get married during the night they had spent at the motel before harold joined them. harold was a bit disconcerted by this, but being a loyal and patient person, he simply smiled and congratulated them. he really did not care that they were going to get married. what he did care about was that they did not seem at all discomfited by the fact that they had washed out of the iinstitute. they ttalked glibly about starting a new life, and forgetting that the institute existed. harold, on the other hand, wanted to dedicate his life to avenging himself on the institute for the way it had humiliated him and denied the reason for his existence. now, he thought, i will have to walk a lonely road in my quest for vengeance. it was a sobering thought. walter and rose decided to head to las vegas to get married and offered to drive harold as far as flagstaff arizona. harold accepted. the thought of being dropped off in what he imagined to be a desert appealed to him. little did he suspect that fifteen years later, he would be no closer to his goal of destroying the institute, and that he would be appealing to walter for a loan that would simply ensure that he could survive for a few more weeks. but walter was nowhere to be seen. what a dirty rat, harold thought bitterly. he has betrayed me,, just like everybodty i have ever known, starting with …with… what was her name? the rain started to come down harder.

kenneth ingoldsby

by nick nelson

kenneth ingoldsby was a philosopher. he thought that people were bad, but should be good. despairing of persuading them to be better, he decided to go live by himself in the desert. he packed a change of clothing, a heavy sweater. two bottles of water, and a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and a couple of ham and cheese sandwiches in a knapsack snd started down the highway toward he desert. he had been warned that he would not be able to hitchhike because hitchhiking was obsolete, and he found this to be the case. he walked and walked and his feet got sore. a few big trucks passed him fin both directions in the first few miles if his walk, but as he approached the desert they disappeared, and there was nothing himself and the highway and the blue sky and the burning sun,’ the road stopped and he was in the desert. he walked and walked. the sun went down. night fell. he walked and walked some more and saw a campfire - or some kind of fire - in the distance. he decided to approach it. four creatures were sitting around the fire. it was difficult, in the smoky haze off the fire, to make out exactly what they were. at first kenneth thought they were a dragon, a bear, a mighty barbarian, and a clown. but as he got closer he thought they were a pope, a nun, a monk, and a witch. what brings you here, stranger, the first creature, which he had thought might be a dragon or a pope, but on closer inspection looked like winston churchill, asked. i have come to the desert to find myself - i mean, to be by myself, kenneth answered haltingly but you find us here, the second creature,,whom he had thought was a bear or a nun, but now more resembled eleanor roosevelt, informed him brusquely. kenneth had no reply. do you have anything to eat? he asked, i am hungry. but you have four sandwiches in your knapsack, the third creature, who looked like nikita khruschev, replied. give them to us, the fourth creature, who looked like simone de beauvoir , insisted, in a tone that brooked no contradiction. a star fell from the sky.