Saturday, December 30, 2017

i remember

by horace p stenwall

illustrated by roy dismas

i remember the good old days
the old fashioned ways
when a dog was a dog and a cat was a cat
and nobody had a problem with that

i remember mr jones’s store
it isn’t there any more
i remember old mr jones
with his twinkling eyes and creaking bones

i remember old mrs jones
scooping and molding ice cream cones
the nickel for the cone burned a hole in my pants
the screen door banged and the shadows danced

i remember charlie chan
in a double feature with tarzan
w c fields with his thumbs in his vest
and john wayne riding through the west

i remember stoves with coal
and swimming in the old swimming hole
a dog named bud who came when you called
and the full moon shining over it all

i would give your information age
with its trillions of bytes of hate and rage
its temples of steel and towers of glass
to see bud running through the tall green grass

Sunday, December 17, 2017

always a woman involved

by fred flynn

illustrations by konrad kraus

“you wanted to see me, sir.”

“ah, yes, come in, morrison.”

morrison entered the commander’s lair.

the commander was scowling at his map. he tapped it with a pointer .

the map showed what morrison already knew - that they were trapped in sector c, surrounded by three battle squadrons of the rival empire, and with little hope of a breakout.

communication wth headquarters had broken down months ago and they had no way of knowing if any effort was being made to reach them, or if they had been written off.

they suspected the latter, as they had only been a scouting expedition to begin with. and headquarters surely knew what they were facing now.

“quite useless, these maps, quite useless,” the commander observed.

“indeed, sir.” morrison nodded.

“there is nothing else for it,” the commander continued. “we shall have to make a dash for it. and hope there is still something to make a dash for.”

“yes, sir.”

“how long do you think it will take you to gather the men together and brief them?”

“why, no time at all, sir. the only man left is hodgkiss, and he can not have gotten far, after telling me you wished to see me. he is not due to go on patrol until sixteen hundred hours, so i expect he just went back to his bunk.”

“hmm.” the commander scowled briefly. “i did not realize things had gotten quite so far as that. so you are telling me that there are only you and i and hodgkiss left alive here?”

“yes, sir. and the woman.”

“the woman!" the commander exclaimed. "what woman? i did not know there was a woman on the premises.”

“oh, yes, a native woman. we took her in shortly after we got here.”

“well, i hope she was not some sort of spy!”

morrison coughed. “not so far as i can tell.sir.”

“and to what use has she been put?”

“oh, this and that. washing the pots, entertaining the troops. though with the troops pretty much gone, she has had some time on her hands lately.”

“yes, i can imagine. do you suggest we should take her with us when we depart?”

“well, that is up to you, sir.”

the commander considered. “i suppose as long as she has been a faithful servant , and if we can find some use for her. we should take her along. we were always taught at academy that we should show some loyalty to natives who had shown loyalty to us. as a general principle going forward in the path of empire, you know.”

“quite, sir. she is quite sturdy, i am sure we can load her up pretty well with whatever we wish to carry.”

“yes. well, i leave it up to you, morrison. i would like to move out before daybreak, if it can be arranged.”

“yes, sir. i might add, that the woman might be useful in parleying with any tribesmen we encounter on our way.”

“tribesmen! what tribesmen? you amaze me, morrison. i did not know there were any tribesmen about, i thought we were engaging exclusively with the forces of the blue empire!”

“oh no, sir. the hills are quite alive with tribesmen. you can hardly set foot outside the camp without tripping over a tribesman.”

“you do not say so. well, one learns something new all the time, even in the darkest hour.”

“very good, sir. should i start making our preparations?.“

“yes, please do. while you are doing that, i shall make one last attempt to contact headquarters, though it is only for form’s sake, i am afraid.”

morrison turned to go.

“wait!” the commander stopped him.

“yes, sir?”

“this - woman. is she young? at all attractive?”

“ah - that is difficult to say precisely, sir. i think opinion might tend to fall on the negative side.”

“i see. well, carry on.”


the first glimmers of dawn were visible between the hills.

the little party of four moved out, with the commander in the lead, slapping at the air and at his thigh with his riding crop, followed by corporal hodgkiss carrying a radio which morrison and the commander both thought quite useless but were afraid not to bring.

behind hodgkiss came the woman, barely visible under supplies and equipment that might have been carried by four pack animals.

morrison brought up the rear. he had a heavy pack on his back, and carried a small submachine gun.

they had not gone half a mile when, true to morrison’s prediction, they were met by a group of five tribesmen - actually three men and two boys. two of the men were riding animals that looked like a cross between a bear and a camel. the other, older and heavier man, and the two boys walked beside them.

the commander scowled as morrison came forward and began to parley with the two men.

the conversation went on interminably - though politely enough - until the commander could take it no longer.

“what is it they want?” he demanded of morrison.

“well, sir, in one word, they want the woman.”

“they do, do they?” despite morrison’s cautious description, the commander, in the brief glimpse he had of the woman as she was being loaded up, had thought her a rather fine specimen. a fine and sturdy specimen, though of course it had been hard to tell in the dim light and all.

“they are prepared,” morrison went on, “to furnish us with some food, lead us to a water hole where we can fill up, and give us one of the boys as a guide - in return for the woman.”

“that does not sound much of a bargain,” the commander countered. “i think we are well stocked as we are. and can the boy carry all she is carrying? eh?”

“i think, sir,” morrison replied in a low voice, “it would be wise to take their offer.”

“you do, do you? look here - i tell you what - unload the packages from the woman and let us get a look at her.”

morrison looked puzzled but answered, “yes, sir.”

the commander had come to a decision. if the curvature of the woman’s hips was at least equal to that of the dome of st weneceslaus’s cathedral, he would refuse the tribesmen’s offer. otherwise, they were welcome to her.

by such things are the fates of empires decided.

Tuesday, December 12, 2017


by horace p sternwall

a nothing apple
falls from a tree
on a nothing hill
beside a nothing sea

the nothing sailors
on the nothing boat
laugh at the reporter
and won’t give him a quote

about the nothing princess
who never drowned
in the nowhere river
in her nowhere gown

never and forever
and all the same
the score is nothing to nothing
in the nowhere game

the nowhere cats
and the nowhere dogs
howl like houdini
in the nowhere fog

locked in a trunk
with a nowhere lock
the clock strikes midnight
on a nowhere clock

the bubbles float
on the nowhere surface
of the nothing river
with no end or purpose

on the nowhere horizon
of the nothing sky
sweet sue sings softly
in the sweet bye and bye