sonnet

by bofa xesjum

a revolutionary new development and an extraordinary counterdevelopment were walking down an important street a privileged upstart took notice he was indigenous to the particular situation and loved freedom with every ounce of his being a definitive account will be forthcoming because it is only natural bad dog what exactly is groundbreaking about it? it portends to be subversive the power went out more meaningless meanderings can we get back to normal sometime this century?

19th century

by bofa xesjum

adam smith wrote the wealth of nations sitting in a railway station nietsche wrote the twilight of the gods he was an unhappy sod cafes and public parks were not conducive to karl marx he preferred the library’s quiet maybe we, too, should try it tolstoy wrote peace and war because he knew what life was for dostoevsky wrote punishment and crime but never threw me a lousy dime dickens wrote our mutual friender because he was a solid sender he also wrote house bleak but never really got on his freak jane austen wrote prejudice and pride and down country lanes did glide on endless carriage rides but never was a blushing bride mrs henry wood thought life was good but mrs oliphant was afraid of elephants mr thomas hardy to church on sunday was often tardy he wrote the obscure jude on monday in a surly mood

the big toss

by bofa xesjum

biob smith (let it go) that’s funny after the ball was over make my day that’s really funny queen victoria perhaps you would like to reconsider that statement davy crockett just because my hair is curly you slay me (old fashioned sarcastic expression meaning, that’s not funny) let it go there you go again, he replied wearily charles lindbergh sorry to bother you daniel boone ran through the woods carrying a long rifle please toledo ohio his majesty will see you now pope innocent iii those flowers are pretty, where did you get them? call me when you are ready to negotiate i said i was sorry was that the doorbell? put that thing away before you hurt somebody at last we approach the end montezuma refrigerator

f-23

by bofa xesjum

f-23 was a lonely soul who in society played no role but was subject to ho ho ho by those who were always on the go but was f-23 really lonely? it would seem thy only f-23 and companion - 2 knew what was true f-23 stood in the line to which the group which was assigned 43rd place took up space looking neither left nor right suddenly a great light flashed on the screen it was neither red not green or blue or yellow or smooth or mellow or a blast from the distant or recent past down by the old mill stream they sold hot dogs and ice cream to the high rollers and chumps who were there to ride the bumps as the masters looked on but maybe they are gone to their reward in a cloud with a flashing sword

ready

by bofa xesjum

ready set go jerry hated joe for no particular reason because strawberries were not in season the sun began to shine after a glass of wine the bear broke into the tower after a spring shower the warden closed his book and decided to take a look around the grounds but did not like what he found he summoned a committee from the country and the city but no one got out of bed because the inmates had all fled jerry still hates joe it was all a long time ago strawberries are out of style after going the extra mile do not come any closer with your mimosa say what you have to say and be on your way

come back

by bofa xesjum

come back in a million years everything will be the same the world will be ruled by idiots who know nothing 99 percent of the human race will just want to live their lives with what is rightfully theirs 1 percent of the human race will own 200 percent of the wealth the other 1 percent will start a new religion every year your mom will be the nicest person who ever lived dad will sit in his favorite chair staring into space until it is time for the game men will stare at women women will laugh at men dogs will bark cats will sleep ants will crawl birds will fly butterflies will flit the world will be coming to an end

ham and cheese

by bofa xesjum

a square named cheese and a hipster named ham met in a sandwich at 4 ay am they both fell in love with a girl named mustard their attentions left her flustered she had her sights set on a media career and worked for an old man who called her, my dear but ham and cheese would not be denied and invited her on a moonlight ride after some thought she politely declined and decided to report them to a hotline she left a message but got no reply by the old mill stream in the sweet bye and bye

mailbox - 2. vince and gus

by bofa xesjum

part 2 of ?

for previous episode, click here

in the safety of his room, with the door securely locked and the shade pulled down, augustus took the mysterious letter from his pocket with trembling hands. the envelope was addressed to - vincent r tomlinson 128 blueberry pancake highway unit 1 parkersville oregon. 96744 with a return address of - gus b kringleton 1279 zane grey boulevard apartment 63496 yokahama nippon 564-gd3 dear vince, the letter began. i hope you are well, i got to thinking of you the other night when i shot and killed a man just outside of vladivistok just for something to do. it reminded me of the great old days when you and me and poor old stace terrorized the northern territories and kept the so-called establishement on the hop - or on their toes. ha ha. anyways, i was wondering if you would like to join me in getting back to those days, when guys like you and me had so much fun. they called us serial killers and he scum of the earth and such, but hey, isn’t life about enjoying yourself in the short time we all have on earth? i got some good places all mapped out where we could start. hoping to hear from you, old buddy, your old pal, gus raise a fuss the letter fell from augustus’s hand. he was horrified. he had to contact the authorities. but he was not sure who the authorities were, or how to contact them. a terrible thought flashed through his brain. he had opened the letter! a letter not addressed to himself. was that not a crime? he had a vague notion that it was. augustus did not want to go to jail, or to a prison camp in a desert or an arctic waste. to be continued

mailbox - 1. in the shadows

by bofa xesjum

part 1 of ?

it was a dark and windy night. a man stood in the shadows watching a mailbox. you do not see as many mailboxes as you used to on city streets, but they are still out there. as the man in the shadows watched, the wind picked up a piece of paper - a letter? - that was stuck in the opening of the mailbox, and lifted it so that it, still stuck, would be visible in its whiteness to any random passerby. perfect, he thought. * augustus brown went for a walk every saturday night no matter how good or bad the weather was. he had been doing it since he was fourteen years old. it was just his way. when he was introduced to people, which was not very often, he would try to bring the conversation around to the fact that he took these walks. augustus was five feet nine and a half inches tall and weighed 176 pounds. his favorite movie was “the animal”, starring stanley o’hara and zora young. his favorite song was “wild is my heart”, as sung by norine sue. he did not have a favorite book. he preferred taking long walks in the dark city streets, to reading books. but he did spend hours reading the online posts of strangers, especially on the most inflammatory political issues of the day, even though he never posted anything himself, about anything. on a scale of 1 to 100, 1 being the least interesting and 100 the most interesting, augustus rated an average of 14 to his fellow inhabitants of the planet. on the dark and windy evening on which our narrative commences, augustus approached a corner at which a mailbox stood beside the traffic light. he noticed a white piece of paper - a letter? - stuck in the slot of the mailbox and fluttering in the strong breeze. you do not see as many mailboxes as you used to on city streets, but they are still out there. augustus’s curiosity was piqued. he gently removed the letter from the slot. not only was the address handwritten, but the return address on the upper left corner of the envelope was handwritten as well. you do not see that very often these days. augustus was a somewhat inquisitive person - 53 on a scale of 1 to 100 - and had no particluar respect for the privacy of others, so he put the letter in his pocket, to open and read at his leisure when he returned to his room. the man in the shadows smiled. next

zero hour

by bofa xesjum

four people were stranded on a desert island. donald trump (the worst person who has ever lived), my mom (the nicest person who has ever lived), the queen of sheba (the most beautiful woman who has ever lived), and friar roger bacon, the smartest man who has ever lived, who wrote shakespeare in his spare time). they were searching for the perfect coconut, but had not been able to find it. one day a raft appeared off the shore of the island. there were four people on it. dr frankenstein (the greatest inventor the worls has ever known), his monster, mata hari (the most seductively alluring spy who has ever lived) and allen dulles (the mastermind behind the cold war). ahoy, dr frankenstein called, do you folks want to be rescued? no, donald trump called back, we want to look for the perfect coconut a little while longer. the raft departed. night fell over the island. do you hear something? the queen of sheba asked friar roger bacon. i can not say that i do , he started to reply. suddenly a great light -

bone

by bofa xesjum

johnny went down to the station to buy his dog a bone when he got back the dog was gone and johnny was all alone johnny was in a panic, he called 9-1-1 you have to help me, he exclaimed, i am not having any fun he put the bone in an envelope and mailed it to the pope and like the rest of the human race, he gave up all hope billions of people swarm the earth, licking ice cream cones but none of them contact johnny, on the net or on the telephone omar was a businessman, he bought and sold tents and at the end of every month, he collected rents he had his eye on johnny, who aroused his deepest suspicions and to expose johnny, was one of omar’s main ambitions albert jones was a citizen, who minded his own affairs he lived in a building, and went up and down the stairs he never ate donuts, only croissants and carried a wallet in the back pocket of his pants albert was polite to omar, but thought johnny was a punk and did not like the way he slouched and slunk around the sides of the building, and down the corridors but then again, what are rooms and buildings for? omar had a birthday, and bought himself a cake samantha smiled at him, but he thought the smile was fake omar dreamed of samantha, but was not up to the task who was samantha? i thought you would never ask

taken

by bofs xesjum

how many times did moses have his picture taken? how many times did confucius have his picture taken? alexander the great? constantnine the great? excuse me - what do you mean by “picture taken”? anything that could be considered a reasonably accurate likeness - either by photography or by a duly accredited portrait piainter like goya or whistler or andy warhol or by a skilled artist. perhaps i should have said likeness taken. how many times did joan of arc have her likeness taken? voltaire? marie antoinette? george washington? daguerrotypes and photography emerge: how many times did queen vvictoria have her picture taken? how nany times did abraham lincoln have his picture taken? karl marx? nietzsche? wodrow wilson? rudolf valentino? ernest heningway? einstein? hitler? stalin? marilyn monroe? john lennon? bob dylan? andy warhol himself? oprah winfrey? how many times have you had your picture taken? how many times have you taken your own picture?

oscar blue, part 2

by bofa xesjum

oscar sat down and thought and turned into a butterfly tired of it all about his mom walking down a long dark highway with no end in sight so tired on the other side of the moon a light appeared in the sky waking down a long dark highway “oscar, are you in there? i am so tired a light appeared in the sky floating like a dinosaur to coolly calculate the odds and turn into a butterfly the best in the whole world but it was all in vain walking down the dark highway but don’t show your face here again on the other side of the moon to coolly calculate the odds about his mom who always knew the score the river flows and plays well with others the river flows