my window

by nick nelson

i looked out my window and saw a man walk up the street he was bent like a banana and his eyes were on his feet his coat was sunset red and his hat was lettuce green and he was the saddest human that i had ever seen i should have left the window but could not avert my gaze or atone for my crimes or amend my evil ways the sad man passed beneath me with a little dog at his heels the dog was feeling guilty because it invented the wheel i was born in a castle high on a windy hill the peasants all hated me and they may hate me still i came to the city with a briefcase full of gold and ii spent it all on donuts and on coffee that got cold i waited at the window until i saw my self pass by there is no more coffee in my cup and no clouds in the sky

i met a man

by horace p sternwall

long ago and far away i met a man the other day he was.walking down the street muttering things i can’t repeat i asked him what upset him so and then his tears began to flow he called on heaven for validation of his cursing of creation as he expounded on his theme i recalled a curious dream that i had many years ago as i lay buried in the snow an angel with a flaming sword a purple demon looking bored the kings of portugal and spain and i were waiting for a train we saw a light in the sky and paused to wonder why out of all the possibilities of time and space we should be in that particular place it was curious indeed but there was no need to reply as i awoke - as the angel told an interminable joke i closed my eyes as the muttering man finished his story and began to tell it over from the start as he had forgotten the best part

pterodactyl

by bofa xesjum

roy ransom was a cowboy . he lived in a bunkhouse on the range. winter was coming. roy decided to hitchhike to hollywood to get in the movies, he went to sleep and dreamed of a pterodactyl. roy and the pterodactyl had exciting adventures together in the dream. you probably think the ptetodactyl’s name was pete but it was it was sad sam. roy and sad sam had exciting adventures in the dream like you would not believe. roy thought if he could remember the dreams and write them down they would be a bestseller and he would make a billion dollars like shakespeare or stephen king and he would not have to bother hitchhiking to hollywood to be in the movies. but he could not remember the dreams to save his life. snow was falling outside the bunkhouse. roy had to get up and poke some cows. big mike fink, the trail boss, came through the bunkhouse banging on the lid of a can to wake the cowpokes up. but roy was already up and getting ready to saddle and ride. mike fink scowled at roy in that way that he had, but did not compliment him on being up so promptly and getting ready to saddle and ride. little did mike suspect that very evening, after the sun went down, roy was planning to hit the road to hollywood.by hook or by crook to become the greatest movie star that ever lived. outside the bunkhouse the snow was starting to build up on the ground. cookie, the cook, and little joe, the clubhouse boy and class clown, decided to build a snowman after chow was over. when chow was over and the cowpokes had had their fill of steaks ad grits and coffee, cookie and little went out in the swirling winter wonderland and began building a snowman. the snowman’s name was not pete or sad sam but wait for it. but by this time roy had slunk off down the road and was on his way to hollywood california to become a movie star. so roy never got to meet wait for it which was a shame because they might have been best buddies. mike fink stood in the door of the cookhouse and watched cookie and little joe put the finishing touches on wait for it in the falling snow. sad sam the pterodactyl flew overhead but mike and cookie and little joe and the cowpokes on their way to the main range could not see him because of the snow which was now falling fast. but sad sam was up there all right. he would catch up to roy later after he got to hollywood and settled down.

long time

by horace p sternwall

george was a gorilla harry was a horse ivan had an inclination that threw him off course jesse had a jellybean kenneth was a klown lulu had a lollipop that moses melted down noah built an ark omar wrote a poem paul bunyan cut down trees as fast as mother earth could grow’em robin hood lived in the forest salome danced in the breeze when friar tuck saw her he fell down on his knees when king richard heard the news he came back from the crusades but he was swallowed by a whale that is how the game is played p t barnum bought the whale and put it up for show and only charged a lousy dime a long time ago a long time ago, my friend a long time ago let us sti by the fire and watch the river flow

mel

by genghis gilgamesh

a guy named mel wished everybody well and was ready to answer the bell when civilization fell he had a friend named ray who always looked the other way and had nothing to say when mel wanted to play the super’s name was joe there was nothing he did not know and he would tell you so a long time ago a girl named betty ball lived across the hall she was always on call brother, that’s all the moon comes out at night sometimes very bright so stay out of sight and paint your dreams white

elephant

by nick nelson

billy woke up. his elephant was gone. they took my elephant, he thought sadly. he put his shoes on and went downstairs. outside the dust was settling in the street. mrs frietchie, the landlady, was sitting on the front steps of the boarding house. they took my elephant, billy told her. did they? good for them. it was all i had. and it meant no one no harm. it made people nervous. it never bothered nobody. it was an elephant. it made people nervous. did you take it? hell no. i’m an old woman, i don’t have the strength to take nothing from nobody. did you see who did? not me. i never see nothing, that’s my policy. that’s the trouble with the world today. the world is nothing but trouble, you ought to know that by now. i would tell the sheriff, billy asserted sadly, but he might have been the one who took it. why don’t you ask him? i think i just might. billy squeezed past mrs frietchie and put his shoes in the dusty street. i suppose you got your rent? not right now. i might after i see the sheriff. why? you think he is going to pay you for that elephant that he probably didn’t even take? you never know. i know it ain’t going to rain today. look at that sky. i got better things to look at. and to look for. if you say so. what’s for dinner tonight? the usual.

firecracker

by bofa xesjum

anodyne hippos from louisville kentucky sequestered on the banks of indianapolis or islamabad cheeseburgers at sunset don’t tell me i already know breathtaking iguanas nod knowingly and joe’s grandmother on his mother’s side i already explained that