carnivore

by horace p sternwall

illuatrated by eddie el greco

call me a carnivore, call me a bum but everything is yum yum yum my shoes are scuffed and my suit is not neat but everybody needs something to eat as earthly creatures walk through dust and to survive do what they must to get the energy to move their feet some are eaten that others may eat oh how my senses quicken at the thought of deep fried chicken and how my soul doth quake at the dream of a thick steak o vegetarians so solemn i just take’em as i swallow’em and prelapsarians so stern please let me take my turn with philosophers and fools at the banquet of molecules some called living, and some not some ice cold, some piping hot i shove them down my throat with a half-remembered quote from a suave gourmet who stated that all to be devoured are fated the universe is one big mouth draining its glass from north to south chewing itself from east to west without rest so let the hot sauce burn for some day your own turn at the celestial barbecue will come due

my mom

by anonymous

illustrations by eddie el greco

i always thought my mom was a nice person. there were basically two reasons - one, that she never beat me even though i was a total asshole of a kid. and two, she had a couple of cats and a dog and she always fed them and treated them right. but recently, i was talking to a woman that my mom worked with at a supermarket for a long time and she told me a couple of things that made me wonder if i was wrong. the first thing , she said my mom lent her a book once that she never gave back and that my mom told her was the greatest book she ever read. the book was the fountainhead by ayn rand! and this woman also told me that my mom's favorite book as a kid was - little black sambo! i thought it was kind of strange that my mom never mentioned these books to me, but why would the woman lie? also my mom and i never talked much except for her telling me how stupid and full of shit i was, though as i say i was pretty hard to take and she never beat me. here i was starting to think maybe i was in the wrong with her but maybe she was just as much in the wrong or more, you know? anyway, it just goes to show you never really know about people. *

forth