albert einstein was a good person and always tried to think the best of his fellow creatures.
he smoked a pipe and cultivated a cabbage patch in his back yard.
one summy morning he went outside ,pipe in hand, bto check rhe progress of the patch, and discovered billy the kid in the act of stealing a couple of cabbages.
excuse me, young fellow, albert smiled tolerantly, but are you really as desperate as all that, that you risk arrest and imprisonment to steal a couple of not fully grown cabbages from my amateurish patch. not - albert waved his pipe nonchalantly, - that a civilized person such as i pride myself on being, would entertain the thought of summoning the authorities in such a trifling matter.
indeed i am. sir, billy responded with alacrity, but not on my own behalf you understand, but on that of my grandmother and crippled younger sister, who both suffer from a rare disease that only the healing juices of the cabbage can alleviate the grievous symptoms of.
i quite understand, albert replied. please, feel free to avail yourself at any time of the humble products of my bucolic pursuit, which i practice only as a diversion from my so called more important endeavors.
i may do that, sir, billy answered, thank you very much. and he made his escape from the philosopher’s garden and headed on down the road.
later that evening, albert recounted the incident to his neighbor, general charles de gaulle, who professed to be aghast at his recital.
poppycock! roared the general. i know that rascal from time immemorial and back in the day, and he nomore has a grandmother who needs the healing juices of the cabbage than i can turn water into absinthe. the healing juices of the cabbage, indeed!
perhaps he believes the cabbage has healing juices in an alternate universe that his grandmother inhabits, albert replied diplomatically.
the next day, over a midmorning cup of coffee, general de gaulle brought the case of albert and billy up to his friend the duc de la rouchefoucauld.
the duc found the story highly amusing, so amusing that he made a proposal to the general to make it even more amusing.
look here, he said, i have a pair of old costumes from my amateur theatrical days, one of a dinosaur and the other of a dragon. i suggest we assume the costumes, arm ourselves with a couple of stout sticks, and lie in wait for our friend billy tonight in the cabbage patch, and give him the fright and the thrashing of his life.
the general felt that he owed the duc a favor, so he agreed, though with something less than complete enthusiasm.
that night they proceeded with the duc’s plan. the dinosaur and dragon costumes, which completely encased their middleaged bodies, proved to be a bit tight, but they managed to contort themselves into them, the general as the dinosaur, and the duc as the dragon.
it was a warm night, with heavy clouds, and billy did not show up after they had waited four hours. it began to rain, and the general decided he had had enough. the duc agreed, and they repaired back to his chateau.
here they encountered a further difficulty. neither of them could extract themselves from their costumes, and they were forced to summon servants to free them, with great effort and the destruction of the costumes.
the servants told the tale to their fellow servants, and the story quickly made its way around the countryside. the unfortunate general de gaulle and duc de la rouchefoucauld became such laughingstocks that they were forced to flee to distant lands where the report of their misadventure might not follow them.
billy the kid had never intended to return to the cabbage patch. he had received a letter from his old pal francois villon, exhorting billy to join him in the united states of america, where, francois assured billy, the cotton was high, and the pickings wee easy.
as for albert, he continued on his own way, growing cabbages, smoking his pipe, and unraveling the mysteries of the universe.
