donald trump woke up.
he had had a strange dream, which caused him to question his whole existence.
what a miserable slacker i have been, he thought, and what a shoddy job i have done in my capacity of emperor of the world.
ever since the magic ruby fell from the sky and landed in my pocket, giving me the power of life and death over all living creatures on this earth, all i have used it for is to sow hatred and discord, racism and misogyny and tribalism and capitalism and war and paranoia and unhealthy life styles.
i will turn the magic ruby over to some more worthy owner, somebody like ms jennifer collins of london ontario, or ms gloria jones of durban south africa, so that she may use it to make a world a better place, a happy land of peace, plenty, fairness, and diversity, and rid of oppression, alienation, aggression, poverty, pollution, cholesterol, injustice and inequality.
i myself will then retire to a monastery in the syrian desert, or hang myself.
i will do this, donald thought, after i have my breakfast.
he then ordered his usual breakfast of two sausage and egg mcmuffins with hash browns and a chocolate shake.
but just as donald was putting the first mcmuffin into his mouth, bernard moreau, of kaiserslautern germany, woke up.
bernard had had a strange dream, which gave him confidence that someday he would conquer the world, or at least find a nice girl who would be his slave.
he rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, but gave up after fifteen minutes and got up and got dressed and had a cup of coffee and went to work.
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