ada

by nick nelson

once upon a time there was a little girl named ada who liked dragons and stole cigarettes from her mothers purse. one day when her mother forgot her purse when she went to work ada took a whole pack of cigarettes and ran away from home. she did not get far before two police detectives picked her up. after telling her a few jokes and stealing the cigarettes away from her, they left her by the side of a bleak highway as darkness began to fall. a couple of hawks were circling overhead. they were soon joined by a bat. ada preferred human company, so she closed her eyes and wished real hard that the three creatures would change into humans. when she opened her eyes, she was in fact confronted with three human beings, or at least with three creatures displaying the outward form of human beings. two of them looked like mildly angry gentlemen in shabby frock coats, with bristling mustaches. the third looked like an old hermit, who lived behind a rock in the desert. this individual carried a stout stick, and had a heavy-looking pack slung on his back. who are you? ada asked the strange trio. you summoned us, answered the hermit. we ask you, who are you? i am a bad little girl, said ada, who has run away from home. if ada hoped to strike a spark of interest or sympathy with this declaration, she was disappointed. that is not very informative or interesting, said the hermit. did you want anything from us? um - can i ask you some questions? of course. but i assume you know the rules. you only get three questions. i know, ada assured him. and you know that they are only questions, not wishes, we can answer the questions, but not grant any wishes. i understand. very well, then. what are the three questions? try not to make them too convoluted or long-winded. where am i? ada asked. here, the sage replied. ada pointed down the road. where will i go if i go that way? there. ada turned around and pointed in the opposite direction. and if i go that way? back where you started. but where was that? that is a fourth question, the hermit replied with a sneer. and with that he and his two companions, neither of whom had spoken the whole time, vanished. (the reader may have guessed that the two gentlemen in frock coats were the philosophers friedrich nietzsche and arthur schopenhauer. the “hermit” may been st jerome, or saint anthony of the desert.) that was not very useful, ada muttered, with a sigh. do you think ada could have asked better questions? what three questions might you have asked?