what life is all about

by horace p sternwall

johnny walker and stagger lee were the best of friends. one night they were playing cribbage in stagger lee’s room, and johnny said - you ought to polish this board, it looks a little dull and i can hardly see the holes in it. what do you know about polishing a cribbage board? stagger lee drawled languidly. did they even play cribbage in that swamp you crawled out of after you hatched? johnny got so mad he got up and left the room and went outside and began walking. even though it was raining out. stagger lee took out his phone and decided to call frankie larue. he got a recorded message. hello, this is frankie larue. if you are stagger lee or johnny walker, i do not wish to talk to either of you two-bit bums. anybody else, please leave a message and i will get back to you at my earliest convenience. thank you. stagger lee sighed and put his hat on and went outside and started walking down the street in the rain until he came to marie laveau’s cafe. he looked in the window. marie was behind the counter with a scowl on her face and her arms folded across her massive upper body. johnny walker was seated at a table in the center of the room talking to king arthur. they were the only customers. stagger lee had enough change to buy a cup of coffee but he was hungry and wished to also purchase a ham and catfish sandwich, so against his better judgment he entered the cafe and approached johnny and king arthur to ask if they could help hm out. johnny turned on him savagely. you have some nerve, brother. first you calumniate my ancestry and now you rudely interrupt my palaver with the king and express a wish to leech on me like a giant squid lurking in the depths of the bay. i do not think this is at all acceptable behavior. king arthur, with a regal smile, produced a gold coin from his sleeve and handed it to stagger lee, who thanked him politely and headed to the counter to give marie his order. johnny and the king resumed their discussion. stagger lee took his cup of coffee to a seat in front of the window while marie made his sandwich. he stared out at the raindrops bouncing on the pavement, and thought as beautiful thoughts as he could, under the somewhat trying circumstances.