the meteor, part 2

by nick nelson

part two of four

to read part one, click here

james perused the questionnaire. it began as follows: which of each of these pairs of things are you? you must choose one of each, even if you do not know the meanings of the terms. alive or dead apple pie or blueberry pie autistic or psychopathic bang or slam blue or green good or bad happy or sad high church or low church horse chestnut or water chestnut joker or clown kumquat or persimmon left or right male or female mom or dad nasty or nice ooglethwop or anglethwop poet or dreamer sharpie or mark straight or round tardy or sedentary town or country up or down cat or dog james counted the numbers of pairs. twenty-three! and what nonsense. a meteor was headed towards earth, and he could not be bothered with such nonsense. he decided to not even look at the rest of the questionnaire and to wait until henry ward beecher or some other flunky or functionary came back and he would tell them he was having none of it. when the thirty minutes had expired, henry ward beecher reappeared, looking nastier and more ill-tempered than ever. as james was not filling out the form, and did not even have the number 2 pencil in his hand, henry ward beecher greeted him with, ah, i see you have filled out the form. did you find the questions interesting or informative? no, sir, james retorted hotly. i did not find them at all interesting or informative and i refuse to waste the small time the planet has left to live in answering them. i see, henry ward beecher answered with surprising mildness, glancing at the unfilled-out questionnaire. well, in that case, our business is finished here today, and i must ask you to leave the premises. leave the premises! i demand to see someone in a position of authority! but there is no - henry ward beecher began, but stopped. come now, be a good fellow and don’t cause a fuss. i don’t want to have to call a security officer, and you would not care for that to happen either. very well, i will go. but the day of reckoning comes, you will be held to account, along with all the other bureaucrats and bumbling mediocrities who have coalesced to destroy the earth. fair enough. now, please follow me. it is a lovely day outside, i am sure you will enjoy the sunshine. part three