conrad and walter

by nick nelson

conrad castleberry iv was a born and bred natural hero worshiper. his great grandfather taught him to admire jesse james and john dillinger and jack london his grandfather taught him to revere general douglas macarthur and john wayne and ernest hemingway. and his dad taught him to think highly of tom brady and john lennon and charles bukowski. conrad admired all these heroes and many more, both “real life”, and fictional. a child of his time, conrad also came to admire the popular podcaster walter whistleberry, and considered him the greatest and wisest hero and champion of all time, sent by fate to illuminate and rescue the human race, and save it from the forces attempting to destroy it. conrad noticed an announcement online that a debate was to be held at his local library, where two persons he had never heard of would face off on the topic - walter whistleberry, savior of the nation? of course, conrad thought, walter whistleberry is the savior of the nation and of the world. what could be more obvious? but he eas curious as to what the two people would have to say about his hero, so he showed up at the library at the appointed time. an audience of about forty people was waiting in folding chairs that almost filled the small room in the back of the library.. there was no podium or stage. the two speakers would take turns standing and addressing the audience from behind a table in the front of the room. many of the people in attendance were chatting animatedly in small groups. conrad did not know anybody there and seated himself in the back of the room, at one end of a row of the folding chairs. a librarian whom conrad recognized.although he did not know her name, announced that the proceedings were about to begin. the two speakers were a mr norbert natchez, a rather portly individual wearing a rainbow colored tank top that did not improve his appearance and a ms claudine carter, a well groomed young woman whom conrad thought rather attractive in a severe way. ms carter spoke first - the first thing we have to understand, she announced, is that walter whistleberry is a clown, and even more of a fraud than a clown. conrad was stunned. he felt as if he had been struck on the top of his head by a ten pound hammer. walter whistleberry a clown and a fraud! and he, conrad, had never suspected for a minute. he could hardly hear ms carter’s following words through the fog that enveloped his shattered brain. conrad managed to get to his feet and to stumble down the side of the room and out into the library proper. he thought somebody might ask him if he felt all right but nobody did and he made his way out of the library and down its wide steps and into the dark street. the universe spread out before him like a black piece of paper with nothing written on it, crumpled up and tumbling in the wind.