beside a waterfall

by nick nelson

sheriff george bump parked beside the waterfall and looked up at the full moon. he let out a howl that could be heard on whatever planet decent folks tried to hide on. alice weberly, hiding in the bushes just around the bend, felt her blood run cold. i never should have tried to escape, she thought despairingly. all our great plans to seize power from the oligarchs have crumbled to dishwater. what fools we were! especially me, for listening to little mike and his big plans. done with his bloodcurdling howl, sheriff george bump took a pack of red man out of his shirt pocket and transferred a quantity of its contents to his left cheek. he knew that little mike was in the vicinity - he could feel it with his sixth and seventh senses. little mike - what a jerk! thinking he could overthrow the galactic council with his misbegotten band of so-called… what was it they were called? the sheriff could never remember - and the crew cut boys from kansas in their seersucker suits and panama hats were always laughing at him because he could never remember what they were called. and now - now he, george bump, was about to make the bust of the century - and crack the case the robots and the giant brain and the crew cut boys with all their resources could not.. suddenly the sheriff heard a discreet cough. behind him. he whirled. and beheld a young woman - an ordinary looking young white woman wearing a red and black checked hunting jacket. she looked familiar - but he could not place her. do i know you? he blurted. i am alice weberly - you arrested me one snowy night on the shore of lake erie - just after the first wave of the invasion. of course - you were little mike’s girl. i am afraid you do not quite have hold of the right end of the stick. i am little mike, as of last tuesday. i am confused . you just said you were alice weberly. i am alice weberly, and i am also little mike. there is a new reality in town, sheriff. i have to pull myself together, the sheriff thought. aloud he said - i do not know if i like this. we are not concerned with your likes and dislikes, a deep voice behind him boomed. the sheriff turned and beheld a dragon - or was it a bear? - holding a flaming sword. who are you? the sheriff asked in his best sheriff voice. i am big mike. and also little mike, and also the archangel michael, and also j robert oppenheimer and the three bears. the creature seemed to have settled, for the moment, on the form of a bear. for a minute there, said the sheriff, i thought you were holding a flaming sword. it was just the sun flashing of my glasses. of course. why don’t we go somewhere and talk this over? alice weberly said. if you play ball with us, sheriff, we will play ball with you. that sounds like a plan, the sheriff admitted wearily. he turned and headed back to his cruiser. alice and the creature, no longer with its flaming sword, followed. well, said the sheriff, as he opened the rear door of the cruiser for his guests, i guess i will not be making the bust of the century after all. there are no more centuries, alice weberly said.