chairman - appendix d - joey's questions about charles's proposal

by fred flynn

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thank you for taking the time to see me, charles. it is always my pleasure, joey. i have some questions about your proposal, which i found quite interesting. i am flattered. my first question - you do not mention streaming these contests. will these contests be streamed? i guess i assumed they would be. why would they not be? the scheduling of sports events right now has been a source of contention - thought by some to be a threat to the survival of civilization. fans want their games when they want them. everything is a threat to the survival of civilization. i am just saying. anything else? who will judge these contests? the system, of course. who else would do it? will the contestants have any recourse to challenging the results of the judging or refereeing of the contests? this has been, and is, a source of great acrimony and contumacy in the current ecosystem - leaving religion and politics in the dustbin of history. might not an increase of this nature threaten the very fabric of society? i doubt it. i do not think anything threatens the fabric of society, or ever has. but that is just my opinion. most people will just want to eat and sleep and watch stories about kings and queens and princesses. this is just for the minortity who want a little more so-called excitement. and they will probably die out sooner than later. anyway, all i did was draw up the proposal. the council and the system can decide what to do with it. and the chairman. of, course. long live our glorious chairman/emperor! i have one more question. then you can buy me a cup of coffee. willingly. and what is the question? who’s on first?

bone

by bofa xesjum

johnny went down to the station to buy his dog a bone when he got back the dog was gone and johnny was all alone johnny was in a panic, he called 9-1-1 you have to help me, he exclaimed, i am not having any fun he put the bone in an envelope and mailed it to the pope and like the rest of the human race, he gave up all hope billions of people swarm the earth, licking ice cream cones but none of them contact johnny, on the net or on the telephone omar was a businessman, he bought and sold tents and at the end of every month, he collected rents he had his eye on johnny, who aroused his deepest suspicions and to expose johnny, was one of omar’s main ambitions albert jones was a citizen, who minded his own affairs he lived in a building, and went up and down the stairs he never ate donuts, only croissants and carried a wallet in the back pocket of his pants albert was polite to omar, but thought johnny was a punk and did not like the way he slouched and slunk around the sides of the building, and down the corridors but then again, what are rooms and buildings for? omar had a birthday, and bought himself a cake samantha smiled at him, but he thought the smile was fake omar dreamed of samantha, but was not up to the task who was samantha? i thought you would never ask

chairman - appendix c - charles ashley's proposal

by fred flynn

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my name is charles ashley. my number is 6743-7853-329h. i am a level three technician in in the implementation cohort of the global reorganization project of the empire. i have been assigned to draw up a preliminary proposal to answer a question which was brought up several times at the recent imperial councils. the question being - after the reorganization is complete, what are “the people” ( i e, the 80 billion inhabitants of the planet with no official standing or duties) to do all day? i am grateful to the chairman for allowing me to make this possible humble contribution to the reorganization. instead of one city/building inhabited by all 80 billion persons on earth, i propose that eight cities of 10 billion people be established. the eight cities might be close to each other so that a single energy source can power all of them, but i suggest that they be spaced as far apart as possible around the planet as i think his would increase the spirit of competition which i think it is necessary to foster. all the humans who wish to participate should be offered an endless series of contests and competitions to fill up their days. these contests can be either a) individual. or b) team note: citizens will not be obliged to participate. those who wish to spend their lives quietly in their rooms, eating and sleeping, will be allowed to do so. note: team competitions will not be subject to “tryouts”. all who wish to participate in any competition will be chosen by lottery. in the early stages of the reorganization, due consideration will be given to ensure proportional representation of divergent groups, particularly historically marginalized groups, but as these divergences evolve away into a single “human” type, this will become unnecessary. contests will take place within each city, and the winners or winning teams in each city will then compete against each other to determine final “champions” in each endeavor. the length of time between each “final” can be varied, and staggered to provide a continuous flow of competitions without overloading the attention of the citizens the first contests will be the traditional ones - poetry, football, weightlifting, cake baking, etc - of previous generations, but as the cities are expected to last forever, new contests can be devised as the millenia pass. contests to devise new contests can then be established to replace the worn out ones, and then contests to replace those contests, with some of the older contests recycled judiciously from time to time, creating a new ever-expanding universe of competition. i hope this humble memo makes some small contribution to the discussion. all glory to our immortal chairman/emperor! next

the island - 1. the landing

by nick nelson

part 1 of ?

the pilot, an easygoing sort named mike worthington, landed the plane safely on the desert island. some of the passengers were impressed, and grateful. others, not so much, and they angrily demanded to know why it had been necessary to land the plane at all, and insisted that the pilot should have showed some backbone and attempted to make it to san francisco. be that as it may, the plane was down, with all the passengers safe, at least for the time being. outside on the island, all was dark and silent. the two stewardesses, mary harris and betty baker, moved down the aisles, trying to soothe the more agitated passengers. there were twenty-six passengers. the flight had started in hong kong or shanghai with a crew of four - the two stewardesses, the pilot, and an assistant pilot, but the assistant pilot. a surly fellow named dave hunter, was, unknown to the passengers. dead, his lifeless body propped upright in his chair. the twenty-six passengers were: al andrews, an adventurer with a checkered past barton bascomb, a banker cecily chandler, a cocotte daisy dalton, a daredevil - and dynamite eddie edgeworth, an early bird with his eye on the worm frank fairleigh, a fashionable man about town. gary garth, a freelance debt collector herbert hoover, a former president of the united states isaih, a prophet jezebel jones, a lady with a jewel case - and a checkered past kelly kamikaze, a debutante with a fiery temper luke lynch, a lawman and straight shooter miss marcia morris, a harmless looking old lady norris nicholson, a nonentity ollie oliver, “the champ”, a heavyweight boxer pete porterfield, a power broker quentin, a drifter rosalie rogers, a big game hunter loaded for bear sally smith, a school teacher tara tempest, a torch singer uncle bill, a philosopher vinny, an odd jobs man woodrow wilson, a former president of princeton unversity happy, a clown yeti, a captive in the custody of luke lynch zeke, a fiddler and diddler to be continued

chairman - appendix b - eddie 2's quiz

by fred flynn

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1. do you think that any human being should have any more possessions than any other human being? 2. do you think that any living creature should have any more possessions than any other creature? 3. do you think that any human or living creature should have any possessions? 4. do you think all human beings should live in a single city or territory whet their every action and thought can be monitored? 5. do you think all living creatures should live in a single city or territory where their every action and thought can be monitored? 6. do you think that all the resources of the human/living creature community should be directed toward achieving immortality for all humans/living creatures? 7. do you think that the human/living creature community (henceforth referred to as “the city”) should have any laws? 8. would you be willing to be an officer enforcing the laws? 9. do you think the city should have a supreme ruler? 10. how do you think the supreme ruler should be selected? a) by popular vote b) by lottery c) by gladiatorial combat d ) highest score in a test or quiz 11. who or what would administer the vote, lottery, combat, test, or quiz? 12. would you be willing to administer the vote, lottery, combat, test, ror quiz? 13. would you be willing to volunteer to be the supreme ruler? 14. what do you think should be the supreme value of the city? a) freedom b) love c) equality d) fairness 15. should hatred be outlawed in the city? 17. would you volunteer to be a police officer enforcing hate laws? 18. should people accused of hate crimes be given trials or hearings? 19. should people accused of any crimes be given trials or hearings? 20. do you think that people accused of hate crimes can or should be rehabilitated? 21. would you volunteer to be a guard or other staff member at a rehabilitation center for people accused of hate crimes? next

chairman - appendix a - eddie's quiz

by fred flynn

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1. do you love the whole human race? 2. do you love all living creatures? 3. would you walk across the street to save the human race from extinction? 4. would you walk across the street to save all living creatures from extinction? 5. if you had a mom, was she a nice person? 6. was your mom the nicest person who ever lived? 6. if you had a dad, was he a nice person? 7. was your first supervisor in day care a nice person? 8. did you enjoy your first day in day care? 9. did you like your fellow creatures in your first day in day care? 10. did they like you? 11. have you ever held a job? 12. did you enjoy your first job? 13. you like your fellow creatures on your first job? 14. did they like you? 15. do you think the human race deserves to last for at least another ten billion years? end of part 1 16. are you a good person or a bad person? 17. what percentage of the human race do you think are good people? 18. what percentage of the human race do you think are bad people? 19. what percentage of the human race do you think just try to get along? 20. do you believe that every human being should be given a guaranteed income? 21. what do you think the guaranteed income should be? a) $1 - $100 annually b) $500,000 annually c) $1,000,000,000 lump sum d) whatever people say they need 22. how do you think this money should be raised? a) print it b) tax rich people who have more than they know what to do with end of part 2 23. do you think it would be a good idea for all human beings to live in a single city and for the rest of the earth to be given back to the earth’s other inhabitants? 24. where would be a good place for the city to be located? a) on the moon b) on mars c) under the ocean d) at the center of the earth 25. how should the city be governed? a). by an emperor elected for life b) by a president elected once a year c) by a president selected by lottery d) it would not need tp be governed at all - every person would just have their own space 26. what will the people in the city do all day? a) watch movies/tv shows b) eat snd sleep c) dream d) wish they lived in a world where they could go to different places 27. if they watched movies, or dreamed. what would the movies or dreams be about? 28. did you find this quiz at all interesting or informative ? next

chairman 22 - through the woods

by fred flynn

part 22 of 22

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the sedan turned off the highway into the woods. there was nothing that could be called a road and it made its way slowly through the trees, having to go around almost every tree one at a time. after they were about a hundred yards in from the highway, agent dworkin touched the control panel and the sedan stopped. are we there? eddie asked. not even close, agent khayyam told him. why not? because we are going to get out and walk. in the woods? these are the woods, aren’t they? i have never walked in the woods before, eddie protested. it will be a learning experience. what about the bugs? there are no bugs in these woods. it has all been taken care of. are you sure? i have never been bitten by a bug. most people in today’s world have not, dworkin said. what if i get tired? eddie asked. will you carry me? if we have to. but we would prefer not to. enough talk, khayyam said. he opened the car door. let’s get moving. * montgomery turned his brain down to lizard level. he began moving slowly through the woods. he was confident he could find his destination just around sunset. the night time was the right time - his time. he had passed this way before. * eddie had fallen asleep. he realized he was being carried on khayyam’s shoulder. they were following dworkin as she carefully parted the low branches on the thickly clustered trees. eddie had a dream in which he remembered first coming to earth… coming to earth with… it was starting to come back to him. suddenly they were in a small clearing. the hut was there, just as it had been twenty thousand years before. there was light showing through the single small window. dworkin pushed open the door of the hut and khayyam followed, depositing eddie, now fully awake, on the floor. eddie got up off the floor and looked around, the old gang from the space ship was all there, seated in a circle in front of the dimly burning fireplace. elvis, bigfoot, gilgamesh, cleopatra, merlin, robin hood, al-hakim, hongwu, genghis khan, shakespeare, babe ruth, and john dillinger. and in the center - donald trump donald trump got up and extended his hand to eddie. it’s been a long time, eddie, he said. welcome home. the end