once upon a time there was a king.
he was neither a good king nor a bad king. and the people rose up against him because they were bored.
war broke out between the followers of a good king and the followers of a bad king.
the deposed king took to the highway in search of refuge.
a rich pig woman took pity on him and took him in, but he was expected to earn his keep by tending the pigs.
but the pigs did not like either the songs the former king sang them, or the stories he told them, and they, like the subjects of his lost kingdom, became restless.
the pig woman beat the king with an ugly stick and drove him back out onto the road.
next the king found shelter in the kitchen of a rundown estate, where he offered to make himself useful by catching mice.
but he could not do it as well as a cat, and he expected too large a portion of the scraps from the table, so from there too he was driven away.
he became a beggar, one of an increasing horde as the war dragged on, and eventually he was rounded up with some other beggars, deserters, looters, and assorted riffraff by the soldiers of one of the armies and hanged.
in time the spot where the king was hanged became a football field, and the descendants of the followers of the good king and the followers of the bad king gathered there for many a stirring match, and fights often broke out in and around the field between the two sets of descendants.
thankfully, such nonsense is no longer tolerated in these enlightened times, where peace and harmony reign under the wise rule of our glorious and immortal leader.
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