away so long

by rhoda penmarq

al capone was walking down the street. he saw billy the kid on the other side of the street. billy - his old enemy, who had done him wrong. al did not think billy had seen him, but he had seen billy. al crossed the street, and came up behind billy just as they were passing an ice cream shop. hello, billy, al said. billy stopped and turned around. he did not seem particularly surprised to see al. i remember you, billy said to al. you are al. it’s a nice day, isn’t it, billy? al said. yes, it is, billy agreed. al pointed to the ice cream shop. a nice day for an ice cream cone. billy looked over at the ice cream shop, as if he had noticed it before. why, yes it is, now that you mention it. a nice chocolate ice cream cone might hit the spot. hit the spot, billy? hit the spot? the way you hit my spot, on that long ago day back in the day? billy looked puzzled. what are you talking about? what day? you must have me confused with someone else. and why are you holding your right hand behind your back? i think we both know the answer to that question, don’t we? al replied. he took his right hand from behind his back. the hand held a .357 and al pumped billy full of lead. you shot me! i’m a dead man! billy cried in amazement as he fell backwards on to the sidewalk. al laughed heartily as he looked down at billy’s dead body. some pedestrians hurried past, pretending not to have seen or noticed anything. including a woman in a pink coat with a little dog. the dog started to examine billy’s body. but the woman in the pink coat pulled the little dog away and it followed her. unknown to al and billy, corinna corinna had been watching the whole episode from her seat beside the window inside the ice cream shop. at first corinna had been too stunned to react, but when the initial shock wore off she rushed out of the ice cream shop and confronted al. you just shot billy, corinna cried. and he’s dead! he is, isn’t he? al replied coolly. but what do you care? where have you been so long? you never gave two hoots for billy when he was alive. don’t try to deny it. but i do care! corinna cried. i do care! billy was a human being, just like me and you! he didn’t have to die - to be shot down like a dog in the street! he had a lot of life left in him! tell me, al asked corinna with a smirk, have you ever seem anybody actually shoot a dog in the street? that is just one of those expressions people use all the time without ever thinking about them. so what?”corinna replied. billy is still dead. people continued to pass by on the street and pretend not to notice billy’s body lying in the street. look here, you people! corinna cried to them. billy is dead! al shot him and he is dead!. don’t you even care? no, lady, i do not care, a little boy in a sailor suit said. and you are standing in my way. i would like to enter the ice cream shop, if you please, and purchase a hot fudge banana split. the little boy in the sailor suit did not respond to corinna’s outburst, and entered the ice cream shop with a supercilious smile on his face. suddenly davy crockett and wyatt earp appeared. they were puffing on big cigars and discussing the coming mayoral election in gravely measured terms. what is going on here? wyatt, who was the sheriff and proudly displayed his gold-embossed tin star on the outside of his black tailored vest, asked. corinna pointed to the grinning al capone, who had placed his .357 back in his belt. this low-down skunk just shot and killed a perfectly innocent man, shot him dead in cold blood, just to watch him die. she’s lying, al told davy and wyatt. she didn’t think he was an innocent man at all. davy crockett turned billy’s body halfway over with his thick-soled black boot. looks like billy the kid. he wasn’t no innocent man. no, he was not, wyatt earp agreed. he looked sharply at corinna. what do you have to say to that, miss? i would not be too hard on her, davy said to wyatt. maybe she has been away too long. and it was true. she had been away too long.

gleaming

by bofa xesjum

it was the time of year when at least some people went out of their way to do things. how could you do this to me? manfred asked plaintively. i am not sure what you mean, jessica retorted promptly. she began putting on her hat and coat. a wrinkle in the shape of a cloud crawled across manfred’s forehead. in any case, he continued, i feel that i have been wronged, and that is what counts in today’s world. it is always today’s world, jessica answerred sharply.. what other world would it be? outside, the wind howled. you should be careful, manfred implored her, the wind is howling outside. i can take care of myself, and besides, dave is coming down the road in his gleaning red porsche. oh, yes, it is always dave, isn’t it? no, but it is tonight. now, if you will step aside, i would like to look out the window. of course, manfred said, with a curiously abstracted expression on his fallen face. jessica looked out the window, and saw that the trees outside were indeed bending in the wind. manfred stepped up behind her and took a small blunt object out of his pocket - meanwhile dave was hurtling down the highway in his gleaming red porsche. the wind howled, but dave had what it took to close the deal. as he rounded a bend, dave saw a hitchhiker up ahead. she had an attractively slender form. the wind was whipping her long blonde hair into fantastical shapes. in any case, dave made it a rule to always pick up hitchhikers, as long as they fit into the gleaming red porsche. want a lift? it is what i am out here for, mister. where you headed? anywhere. the woman with the attractively slender form and the long blonde hair got into the gleaming red porsche. dave could not help noticing that she had no bag or backpack or suitcase.

a strange man

by genghis gilgamesh

784903-f was a strange man. he lived in the largest city in the world. he was lonely. he decided to go for a walk. it was raining outside, but 784903-f didn’t care. he had seen things and done things. 784903-f saw a figure approaching. it was 934972-g, whom he had known in a previous life. when he had been a food delivery person. 934972-g had been a regular customer, but she tipped poorly and often complained that 784903-f was late or that there was something wrong with the food, usually either that it was cold or that it was not what she had ordered. he would have preferred that the approaching figure be 648842-p, a deadly assassin he had teamed up with in the steamy underbelly of X__________, the most dangerous city in the galaxy. or that the approaching figure be jerry the joker or mike the mumbler or you know who, the funny guy at charlie carter’s farewell party or 96754332-y-7. or mister king, his seventh grade gym teacher or leonardo da vinci or doctor watson or anybody at all besides 934972-g or himself 784903-f turned around and began walking back through the wind and rain to his lonely room. suddenly a green cab pulled up beside him. the window rolled down and a familiar face popped out of it. it was 2950427-j, the owner of the funeral home 784903-f had worked at in his junior year of high school. 2950427-j had gained weight and he looked angry. get it in the cab, 2950427-j shouted to 784903-f. 784903-f woke up. it took him a few seconds to realize he was not really 784903-f. he was 4397328-v, the friendliest and funniest guy in the universe… and he had to be somewhere in fifteen minutes. but where? that was his problem, he could remember how soon he had to be somewhere, but not where he had to go. he had better call 507632-jm. but 507632-jm would not be up yet… and he had to be there in fifteen minutes… why me, 4397328-v thought, why me, out of all the quintillion entities in the superverse…

up the road

by timothy t jones

once upon a time there was a happy kingdom, ruled by a wise king and a beautiful queen. one day the queen was seated at one of the windows of the castle and she saw a stranger coming up the road. he looks like a strange man, the queen said to her maid, who was sated at the window with her.along with her jester and her privy counselor. what is strange about him? asked the maid, he looks like any other stranger coming up the road. that is a good question, answered the queen. she turned to the privy councilor, and said - summon the captain of the guard, and have the fellow brought before me. as you wish. the captain of the guard brought the stranger before the queen. he looked a bit shabbier in person than he had seemed, observed from the castle window. who are you? the queen asked the stranger.. i am he who travels forever, but never arrives, the stranger replied. that could describe a lot of people, the queen’s maid said, with a laugh. almost everybody, the jester added, except our most gracious king and queen. do not speak in riddles to her majesty, the privy councilor advised the stranger sternly. i am he who neither flies, nor feels the road under his feet, the stranger said. more riddles! the privy councilor exclaimed. speak plainly, fellow! you are not being very hospitable, councilor, the queen observed mildly. come, sir, we wish you no ill. who are you? i am he who is a slave to all, but bow to no one. this will not do, not do at all, the privy councilor sneered, as the jester snickered and the maid rolled her eyes. do you mean to say you would not bow before his majesty the king? there is no king, the stranger answered. the queen laughed, and turned to the privy councilor. this is beginning to be amusing, she observed. please find his majesty and ask for the favor of his presence. with a scowl, the privy councilor did as the queen bid. but the king could not be found, neither in his chamber, or anywhere in the castle or the surrounding grounds. and though the entire kingdom was searched, as well as the surrounding kingdoms, and the empires to the east and north and the rivers to the south and the oceans to the west, he was never found.

sad ukelele

by bofa xesjum

a young man walked down a groundbreaking street. he considered himself an underdog in the game of freedom. he had a friend named tony whom he decided to call on. but tony was not that easy to find, especially in such meaningless times as these. so he decided to look up lance instead. lance was one of those people who is easy to find, because they are always hanging around. the young man came right to the point. excuse me, what is the young man’s name? i don’t know what it is now, but at the time and place i am describing it was al rogers. that is a pretty common name. it was meant to be. so what did al have to say to lance when he finally tracked him down? he didn’t have to track him down, lance was always hanging around and available. so what did he ask him when he came right to the point? he asked him if he had seen percival p particular? that’s a funny name. it is supposed to be. except that it isn’t. isn’t what? particularly funny. get back to the point. had lance seen percival p not so funny? he strenuously denied it. oh, he did, did he? and what else did he have to say? he accused poor al rogers of being an agent of the deep state. wow! and what did al say to that? he laughed and said that there was no deep state, and that lance should get offline and get out more. or stop watching youtube and watch old fashioned cable and network televison. and what did lance say then? he did not say anything, he started playing his ukelele and singing a sad love song that is what they all do, don’t they, when they are confronted with the truth?

cook's day off

by horace p sternwall

the cook had been allowed the day off to go to her aunt’s funeral , so when millicent awoke she got up and went downstairs herself to make a cup of coffee, and on passing through the drawing room she found jonathon lying on the blue divan, with a note pinned to his chest. she wondered if he were dead, or just sleeping. the note in itself was curious, as millicent had never known jonathon to be in the habit of writing notes. with a sigh, millicent took the jar of coffee beans out of the kitchen cupboard. millicent did not like having her routine disturbed, and jonathon’s strange behavior had disturbed both the routine and herself. all i need now, she mused, is for the handyman to come knocking at the back door, on some pretext or other. she poured some coffee beans into the grinder. millicent was 44 years old, and had now been alive for 16,667 days. jonathon was 47 years old, and had been alive for 17,180 days. unless, of course, he was dead and had died before midnight, in which case he would only have lived for 17,179 days. jonathon had lorded it over millicent mercilessly when they were children, especially after miss parker, whom jonathon called “the panther”, had been dismissed. millicent heard a knocking at the back door.

the twins

by genghis gilgamesh

astoria and brooklyn were identical twins. their parents divorced. parent alpha, who was the seventeenth richest person on the planet, won custody of astoria and brooklyn, but parent beta, who was reduced by the settlement to living in a cardboard box on the thruway to the world’s third largest airport, won visitation rights, so astoria and brooklyn spent two ays a week with parent beta. parent alpha and parent beta had differing views on everything, and each strove to impart their views to the twins. parent alpha believed that nobody knew anything, that life was meaningless, and that people should just get along. parent beta believed that the only purpose in life was to strive to make the universe a better place where all living creatures were equal, that the universe was divided into good people and bad people, and that the bad people should be killed. both twins went back and forth between siding with one parent or the other. but whichever side one of the twins took, the other always took the opposite. one night the twins were flying back from visiting parent beta when they were kidnapped by a terrorist organization calling themselves the freedom fighters. parent alpha hired a rival terrorist organization, the truth brigade, to rescue the twins. this caused international tensions to rise between empire charlie, which sided with the freedom fighters, and empire delta, which sided with the truth brigade. empire charlie secretly hired psycho-6, the planet’s deadliest assassin, to assist the freedom fighters. empire delta responded by hiring empath-18, the planet’s most resourceful bounty hunter, to capture psycho-6. war broke out all over the planet, and beyond… * if this story were expanded into a series of seven novels, would you be interested in reading it? if it were expanded into a 22 part video miniseries, would you be interested in watching it? if it were adapted into a virtual reality experience, would you be interested in participating in it?

jonathon overbury

by nick nelson

jonathon overbury was born in carson city nevada in 1965. he was the oldest of the three children of daisy overbury. when jonathon was six the two younger children were placed in foster homes and daisy and jonathon moved to butte montana. when jonathon was seven daisy obtained a dog from a local shelter, and named it skippy. skippy was killed two yers later by a hit and run driver. jonathon was a quiet child and a below average student, with no thought of going to college, but he graduated from high school at the age of eighteen. throughout high school he worked at a supermarket, and continued working there after graduating from high school. he had a few drinks when he was sixteen, but did not like them. he has never had a drinking problem, or abused drugs, or gambled for more money than he could afford. he made one friend in high school, named al, and another friend at the supermarket, also named al. but they both moved away. the supermarket, which was not part of a chain, shut down. jonathon got jobs as a cook and waiter and counterman at various restaurants and fast food places. when he was thirty-two he got another dog from a shelter, which he named skippy two, but it disappeared. when he was thirty-four he married a woman named dora sue king, but she left him after eleven months. evey year, unless he is out of work, he takes a trip to las vegas or reno, where he does not gamble much, but enjoys the shows. he had no opinions about politics or religion or the events of the day. he never had any sudden realizations about anything. he feels that america is the greatest country in the world, and that he is lucky to be alive. approaching his sixtieth birthday, he gets up each every and faces the world with a smile.

jared brown

by nick nelson

jared brown, 55, a long time resident of bransonville, passed away yesterday after a long illness. mister brown was known as a passionate skateboarder in his youth. he is remembered by his many friends. a long time resident of bransonville. i never heard of him. me either. me either. i think i might have known him. well, one out of four's not bad. how did you know him? when i worked at universal and took the train, there was this guy i used to talk to at the station. what about? sports, mostly. the mets. i think i did most of the talking. i cam believe that. i don’t think he was really that much of a fan. he didn’t really know that much about the mets. and nothing about the islanders. are you sure it was the same guy? no. did he ever say anything about skateboards? i can’t remember. i wouldn’t have brought the subject up.

betty zimmer

by nick nelson

bob underwood, to all outward appearances, was an ordinary guy. he liked to go for long walks in the woods. nobody knew what he did in the long walks. maybe he did not do anything, just walked in the woods, mike thompson lived in the same town, purchaseville. mike liked to go for long walks in the rain. he always carried a big black umbrella, that he had inherited from his mother. the umbrella did a good job of keeping him dry, otherwise folks might have ragged him about getting wet. as it was, they just said, there goes mike, walking in the rain again. betty zimmer, who was a people person and always liked to suggest things to people that she thought might make their lives a little better or more interesting , said to bob underwood one day - you know, bob, you like to go for long walks in the woods and mike thompson likes to go for long walks in the rain, maybe you to guys could get together and go for long walks in the rain in the woods. why don’t you mind your own business, betty, bob quickly retorted. betty was hurt, and confided her hurt to her best friend, cathy gardner. don’t worry about it, cathy assured betty, you just keep on doing what you do, and baking the best chocolate chip cookies in purchaseville. and she did.

toss

by genghis gilgamesh

the redhaired princess tossed the blue ball, and the white dog chased it down the dusty road to a green bush. was the green bush in the middle of the dusty road? no, it was on the right side of the road as the dog ran down it, headed south. the direction the invading army was approaching from. a rider on a black steed came up the road with a message for the redhaired princess. that night a great ball was held in the golden castle, and the rider on the black steed asked the redhaired princess to dance. was he riding the black steed when he asked the princess to dance? no, the steed was changed unto a raven and was flying back to to headquarters of the invading army. while the dancing commenced, the three wisest creatures in the kingdom, the chief astrologer, the dowager queen, and the white dog, put their heads together beside the punchbowl, and deliberated on the ramifications of destiny and he fate of empires. when the ball was over, the princess was attended to by her three ravenhaired maids, who were a witch, a demon, and a vampire. her long red hair fell to the ground, and outside, the wind began to howl. when the sun rose, madness gripped the kingdom. the white dog ran the dusty road, but no one tossed it a blue ball, or any ball. the dog continued running down the road until it came to the sea, where it signed on as first mate on a tramp steamer headed for a mysterious island in the new world.