in the morning

by nick nelson

the saddest man in the world came to the end of the world. behind him, the desert stretched away endlessly, littered with the bones of the just and the unjust, and guarded by sneering cactus plants and venus flytraps. in front of him was the black void. perched on the edge of the black void were an old filling station, and an old diner, with a porch attached to it. the pumps at the filling station were covered with dust. a sign in the window of the diner read - coffee - pie - the end. two women were sitting in rocking chairs on the porch in front of the diner. as the stranger approached he saw that the two women were hillary clinton and nancy pelosi. hillary clinton was knitting something black, and nancy pelosi was reading a black book with no title on its cover. what’s that you are knitting? the saddest man asked hillary clinton. a black cap, hillary replied. a black cap for donald. he is going to be hanged in the morning, nancy pelosi added. oh, the saddest man said. where is he now? he is out back, nancy pelosi said, with the reverend. the reverend? the reverend jim jones. i see, said the sad man, and went into the diner. hitler and judas iscariot were seated at the counter drinking coffee. pie plates with crumbs sat in front of them. marie antoinette was the waitress behind the counter, and behind her, standing in front of the grill with his arms folded over his apron, stood genghis khan. margaret thatcher and barack obama were seated at a booth beside the door. the sad man sat down, two stools to the left of hitler. this is a cheery group, said the sad man, by way of making conversation. cheerful is as cheerful does, marie antoinette replied. how did you all come to be here? the sad man asked. there was a contest, said marie antoinette, to name the ten worst people who ever lived, and we were the winners. oh i can think of ten worse people than you all, the sad man said. be that as it may, marie antoinette said, they counted the votes and here we are. and then, genghis khan said from behind her in a deep rumbling voice, there was a vote as to who was the worst of the worst, and donald won that. and that is why they are hanging him in the morning, said marie antoinette. the stranger turned and looked out the window. the sun was coming up over the desert. it looks like it is morning now, he said. when will the hanging start? he will be hanged “in the morning”, said genghis. they didn’t say which morning. so what will you have? marie antoinette asked the sad man. um - coffee, and apple pie if you’ve got it. we don’t have any apple. how about blueberry? we don’t have that either. what do you have? rhubarb. all right, i’ll have rhubarb. it’s not that bad, said hitler, speaking for the first time. when it’s fresh baked, added judas iscariot.