the cat

by corinne delmonico

peter pan woke up from a curious dream in which he had been a cat chased by a giant mouse. peter did not set much store by dreams and did not regard them either as prophecies of future events, or as keys to his own personality. he did not have much of a personality, and did not think overmuch of future events, preferring to take life one day at a time. but the dream about being a cat perplexed him, and he could not stop thinking about it as he made his morning cup of instant coffee. as he was sipping his coffee, he idly picked up the reader’s digest, a subscription to which had been purchased for him as a birthday present by his court appointed guardian, mr william wilson. his eye fell on an article entitled, “do you need a new consciousness?” peter became so engrossed in the article that he let his cup of coffee grow cold. this is just the ticket, he thought, this is exactly what i need - a new consciousness. on his phone, he tappped in the question: how do i find a new consciousness? but the did not find the answers were very informative. some of the answers were: grind your monkey like coffee. ? this sounded like something to do with romance, and peter was not a romance person. steal things off other people’s desks at work. peter worked at a startup fast food establishment, and he and his fellow employees did not have desks do not let your little liver pills scatter. what was a little liver pill? did it make a big liver smaller, or a big liver smaller. peter did not trust the answers he was being given. not for the first time he began to wonder if his life, and the universe, were controlled by an evil clown. and did the evil clown who controlled the universe have a name? he decided to go out in the street and ask the first person he saw if they knew the name of the evil clown. but once out in the street - south broadway - he lost his nerve and could bring himself to accost anyone and ask the question. he decided to back to his room and try to fall asleep and encounter again the giant mouse who had been chasing him and ask the mouse about the clown. but on his way back to his apartment he was arrested on an outstanding warrant for an undisclosed crime. he was brought before a stern magistrate, who combined elements of the giant mouse and the evil clown.

henry, part 2

by corinne delmonico

to read part 1, click here

so i can go? that is what i said. did you have anything you wanted to ask me? who do you like in the bears-packers game tonight? i thought it was tomorrow night. no, it is tonight, for sure. the bears are favored by four and a half. for four and a half, i like the packers. want me to put a bet down for you? uh, no, i want to think about it a little bit first. the game is tonight. i heard you the first time. have a nice night, henry. you too, mr lord high inquisitor. * hello, ms frietchie. hello, henry. how did your session with the inspector go? very well, thank you. he asked me to say hello to you for him. yes, he is always a gentleman. i am not going to ask you what you discussed, because i am not by nature an inquisitive person, and besides, i am prevented from doing so by the privacy act of year 23. he told me to call him the grand high inquisitor. there is no such office, but he does like his little joke. such a pleasant gentleman. yes, he does. i have a great sense of humor myself, and i like other people who have a sense of humor. moving right along., i have arranged an appointment for you with the doctor. on wednesday at 0900 hours. thank you. can i go for a walk? yes, but be sure you do not exceed the limit of fifteen minutes. i will do my best not to, but unforeseen circumstances may intervene. another of your little jokes. be back in fifteen minutes. * where is henry? he is not back yet. is he ever? but he never really leaves, does he? like the rest of us.

henry, part 1

by corinne delmonico

i will just take two, thought henry. and a third. one more will not make a difference. might as well finish them off. henry! you startled me. what do you think you are doing? what do you care? besides, you saw very well what i was doing. ah, adding effrontery to your insolence. are they not the same thing? go to your space. expect a summons from the doctor. and from the advisor. and from the inspector. what! from the inspector? that seems a bit extreme. go to your space. * i am sorry to see you here again today, henry. i did not come here, mr inspector, they brought me here. you try that joke every time, henry, but this time i did not use the word that you came here, i only indicated that you were here. whatever, what can i do for you today, mr inspector? for starters, you can stop calling me mr inspector, and address me as most lord high inquisitor. for real? no, just kidding. you see, i can have my little joke too. that’s good, everybody is entitled to a little fun once in a while, even most lord high inquisitors. down to business. your offenses are piling up. henry. they are not serious offenses so far, but numbers count. i can count too, mr inquisitor. i got three more minor offenses before i get sent to jupiter, and then i get a hearing and at least one appeal. i can always count on you to know the rules of the game. i am pretty busy today so you can go. i just do not want to see you here four more times. say hello to ms frietchie for me. so i can go? part 2

bears

by nick nelson

the s u v drove into the woods as far as it cpuld go and stopped. all right,kids, i guess we stop here for the night, ralph taft announced . ralph always addressed his wife and two children collectively as “kids”. dolly, his wife, had long since given up asking him not to do so. and on this night, after driving three hundred miles from their hastily abandoned home, she had other things on her mind. dolly’s first job was as assistant manager at a small friendly’s restaurant in ohio or connecticut. her parents were proud of her for having such a job at such a young age. ralph’s favorite food was beef stew, but he rarely had a chance to indulge himself with it. when dolly took the two kids to visit her parents for a weekend, he went to the supermaket and bought six cans of dinty moore’s beef stew and ate them all before dolly and the children returned. their oldest child, a girl named carmine, got excellent grades at school. the other child, a boy named daryl after ralph’s father, wore thick glasses, was an indifferent student, and spent his generous allowance on graphic novels. night fell quickly over the campsite and ralph and dolly had difficulty setting up the tent ralph had purchased at l l bran’s. carmine and daryl were supposed to take turns holding a flashlight while ralph anf dolly set the tent up, but daryl had triuble holding the beam steady, so carmine ended up doing it by herself. after finally getting the tent set up, they made quick work of the sandwiches and orange and grape soft drinks they had purchased at subway after driving their first hundred miles. dolly insisted that they bury the remains if the sandwiches a hundred yards from the campsite, because of the possibility that there were bears in the area. daryl took his part in this duty with an ill grace, insisting that there were no bears within a hundred miles. what do you know about bears? carmine asked. or about anything? more than you might think, daryl replied. dolly, and ralph at her insistence, never interrupted the children’ arguments unless they took a physical turn. there were, in fact, a few bears within a hundred miles of them.

the avenger

by nick nelson

good morning. good morning, can i help you? is mister boggs in? do you have an appointment? no, but he knows me. he will want to see me. i am sorry but i can not take your word for it. how did you get in here, if you do not mind my asking? i just walked in. there were no security guards or anything. yes, building security was discontinued about eighteen months ago, but how did you get to the building? surely there were security in the streets. i have my ways. well, that is an interesting answer. i will have to consult with mister boggs’s secretary, miss brown. have you met miss brown? i do not think so. you would like her. she is a delightful person. and here she is now. miss brown, this individual wants to see mister boggs. he claims to know mister boggs. how did he get into the building past city security? he says he has his ways. i see. look here, fellow, do you have a name? you know my name. i am sorry, but i do not know your name. my name is you know my name. but you can just call me - the avenger. you just tell mister boggs the avenger is here. he knows my name. you are a strange man. do you have any identification? none that means anything. and how did you get here? i am here, that is all that counts. i will tell mister boggs you are here, mister avenger. (miss brown departs) why don’t you have a seat? this may take a while. why? mister boggs is not always immediately accessible. in fact, it is just about time for his nap. why don’t you have a seat? there is an excellent selection of magazines and books on the table there. all right, but don’t be giving me the old run around or play the old army game with me. i do not take kindly to it. by theway, do i know you from somewhere? i do not think so. i ask everybody that question. someday someone will answer it in the affirmative. there is an excellent selection of magazines and books on the table there.

the elevator

by bofa xesjum

haha jones woke up. it was time. the guys would be waiting downstairs for him. he checked his phone again, just to be absolutely sure. he left the room and waked down the corridor to the elevator. a woman he did bot recognize walked past him without showing any sign of recognizing him. the woman’s name was you never knew me, but it was all good so far. haha pressed the elevator down button. nothing happened. he noticed that neither the down button nor the up button were lit. he tried the up button . nothing happened. the elevator did not arrive and he could not hear it. of course it was a modern building ot was supposed to be. he decided to take the stairs, but which way were they? there must be stairs at both ends of the corrido, he decided. he headed left, in the same direction as the woman named you never knew me. he did not see you never knew me ahead of him. fortunately, there was a door at the end of the corridor. it was not marked ‘“stairs”, “security”, “maintenance”, “do not enter”, or anything else. but it did not open. haha was determined not to panic. the guys will wait for me, he thought. they might give me some grief, especially orange red, but i can handle it. he took his phone out of his pocket, he had a sudden premonition that it would be dead. but to his immense relief it was not, and he punched 538 to talk to the guys, who would not have left without him. hello, he heard, we have left without you. haha ran back to the elevator. this time the down light was on, and haha pressed it furiously. he waited. meanwhile, you never knew me had entered room 5609. orange red was waiting for her, along with mohammed singh and sally foster. they all had a good laugh. a butler emerged from a side door and started taking their drink orders. it was that kind of a place.

the wagon

by nick nelson

on walter cameron’s fifth birthday, his parents bought him a little red wagon. his father , mitch, had not wanted to buy it, as he would have preferred something a little more manly, like a football or a toy gun, but walter’s mother, alison, prevailed, as she rarely did in any differences, great or small, with mitch. alison thought the little red wagon was “just darling”, a poor choice of words with mitch, but somehow she persuaded him anyway. walter loved the wagon as he had never loved anything before, and would never love anything or anybody again. walter had the wagon for eight days when it was stolen or otherwise went missing. the camerons lived in a neighborhood of people like themselves, where hardly anybody thought to lock their doors even at night, and children usually left their toys out in their yards , even in the rain and snow. walter cried for days. mitch was at first chagrined, then infuriated at this. alison wanted to report the supposed theft to the police, but mitch refused. how can we prove the kid didn’t just lose it? and how much time do you think the police will spend looking for it? they will just laugh at us. there he goes again! stop crying, you little baby! man up for once! but he lost his present, his birthday present, alison protested. we should get him a new one. i will get him a new one if he stops crying. a better one this time. walter eventually stopped crying and alison held mitch to his promise. to buy walter a new present. mitch bought walter a football, but walter never played with it, not by himself and not with billy webster, the only friend his own age he had. when walter was thirty years old, he was married for eleven months to a woman a few years older than himself. one of the reasons she gave for leaving him was that he was “always” running on about the little red wagon (actually he mentioned it to her five times). walter dreamed about the little wagon often, sometimes two or three nights in a row. somebody told him, or he read in the readers diges, that everybody dreamed every night, whether they remembered it or night. maybe i dream about the wagon every nifght, he thought. walter found this a comforting thought.

pinkie, part 2

by genghis gilgamesh

to read part 1, click here

the ferguson gang - let’s take a look. according to my information the ferguson gang was captured and disbanded after terrorizing ths countryside for a mere eight months. yes, but we had some great times while they lasted. so what happened to you after they were broken up? me and ike ferguson got jobs cleaning swimming pools in acapulco. and did you enjoy your experience cleaning swimimnig pools? not much. it was hot as hell all the time, and the people were real stuck up. and then what? me and ike split up. he got taken up by this rich old lady and i took off on my own. and? i id not get very far. i heard pancho villa and robin hood were looking for recruits but i could not find them. nobody else can find them either. or yeti or prester john. where did you look, if you do not mind my asking? all over. thank you. does that bring us to the present? i guess. you guys picked me up about a week ago. how have you been treated at the facility. about as well as can be expected. how do you like the food. no complaints. i have had better, i have had worse. good. all right, citizen 8940-4307-2319-6649-4., aka pinkie, that concludes the interview. i will mark you down as designated for assignment, how does that sound to you? i do not suppose i have much say about it. i hope i did not detect a note of bitterness there. am i free to go? yes, as soon as that lazy guard gets back. i thought it was a robot. the correct term is model integrated functionary. but they get lazy, too. interesting. one more thing before i let you go. and what might that be? tell me one funny story about your experiences , either at school in district 67-4, or with the ferguson gang. let me think. you do have some stories? oh, of course, i got a million of them. (to be continued)

summertime

by nick nelson

it was summertime. the living was easy. kenneth gray had a week off, after fifteen years of never taking one off. under a new policy instituted unanimously by the board of directors, the company had forced kenneth to take the week off, even though he had not ben inclined to do so. kenneth had been proud of his record of never taking a week off for fifteen years, and was disappointed at having to end it. he walked down main steeet, heading for the corner of main and center streets. although he had no particular purpose in mind. he had twenty million dollars in his pocket, which the company had given him as a reward for his fifteen years faithful service. a pretty girl was standing on the corner of main and central streets. hello, kenneth said to her. hello yourself, the pretty girl replied. you are pretty, kenneth told her. thank you, but i already knew that. i have twenty million dollars in my pocket, kenneth said. would you like me to buy you a new hat? thank you, that is very kind of you, but i bought myself a new hat just yesterday. kenneth smiled politely at the pretty girl and moved along down main street. at the corner of main and washington street, he encountered a grizzly bear. hello, kenneth said to the grizzly bear.. > can i help you , the grizzly bear growled. you look powerful, kenneth said, as well as grizzly. thank,you, but i already knew that. i have twenty million dollars in my pocket, kenneth said. would you like me to buy you a yacht, or a mountain? thank you, the grizzly bear replied , but i bought myself a yacht yesterday and a mountain this morning. what do you take me for, some kind of bum? i am sorry, kenneth said, i meant no disrespect. kenneth continued down the street. at the corner of main lincoln stre, a gypsy woman had set up a little table and was telling fortunes. hello, kenneth said to the gypsy woman. hello yourself, the gypsy replied. i have twenty million dollars in my pocket, kenneth said. would you like me to buy you a new deck of cards? no thank you, one of my great grandchildren gave me a new deck of cards yesterday for my birthday. but i will tell you your fortune for your twenty million dollars. the gypsy took a card from the deck in her hand and placed it face up on her little table. it was the king of spades. you will meet a pretty girl at the corner of main street and broadway, and you will want to buy her a new pair of shoes, but you will not be able to, because you just gave your twenty million dollars to me. suddenly kenneth felt tired. what a joke everything is, he thought despondently. he decided to go home and take a nap. six more days until he could go back to work!