the proposal

by corinne delmonico

i am a man of few words, madam, and i will not beat about the bush. i am listening. it is my understanding , that as i have come into possession of this house in which you are presently residing, you now are left without a domicile. your understanding is strictly correct, sir. how sylvia hated having to address this creature as “sir”, instead of “my man” or “my good man”! well then, i have a proposal by which you may continue to live under this roof, quite as comfortably as you do now. and what might that proposal be? that you marry me. faugh! that is the most absurd thing i have ever heard, or ever hope to hear. i take it that is a “no”. it is most certainly not a “yes”. in that case, madam, i bid you good day. i will be here to take possession of the premises on wednesday next. and with that, mister grover took his leave. sylvia’s maid - she only had a personal maid and a cook left in the household - showed him out. sylvia remained seated, staring into the unlit fireplace. * when sylvia told her tale to cousin tessa and uncle roger, she did not receive the sympathy she had expected. can you imagine! sylvia exclaimed. the sheer unadulterated cheek of the fellow. i do not know, sylvia, uncle roger intoned dolefully, it sounds to me like the chap was making you a rather generous offer, under the circumstances. sylvia could not conceal her shock at roger’s unfeeling words. a generous offer! but i am above him in station! not any more, cousin tessa interspersed dryly. you are pleased to be droll, tessa, sylvia replied. but what am i to do? and where am i to go? i am totally unfit for any occupation , however menial or degrading. you could take up the time honored occupation of governess, tessa asserted doubtfully. at my age? with no experience of such occupation? do you know of anybody who would even consider hiring me? do governesses even exist any more? you could look online, roger suggested. you mean on a computer? sylvia asked. you could always sell your body, tessa offered. sell my body? do you mean to some sort of laboratory to be experimented on, like frankenstein’s bride? no, that is not at all what i meant, tessa replied. she briefly explained to sylvia what she did mean. now you have really gone too far with your attempts at drollery, sylvia asserted scornfully. you disgust me. i am quite serious. it has been the last resort of millions of women since time immemorial. look here, roger put in. it is not quite so bad as it sounds. i have heard - only heard, mind you - that transactions of this nature are usually quite perfunctory and businesslike. quite so, tessa added. you do not have to bother humoring and soothing the male ego for hours or days at a time, as with a husband. i wish you would both stop talking nonsense, sylvia asserted staunchly. but all your jesting aside, what am i to do, now that i no longer have a roof over my head, and you have both declined to take me in, as was the virtually obligatory custom in times past. you are to accept mr whatshisname’s offer, roger said with finality. that is what you are to do. but he has already indicated that he has withdrawn the offer, sylvia pleaded. i will talk to him, roger said. i will talk to him. i will sit down and have a man to man talk with him, and settle everything. trust me. yes, roger, tessa agreed. that sounds like a plan. sylvia had no reply. outside in the distance, a lonesome train whistle blew.