uncle harry

by nick nelson

uncle harry lived in a little town in the midwestern flatlands, and nobody saw him much. he had been retired for years, and nobody was sure exactly how old he was. some members of the family, jerry, kevin, lorna, michelle, and nora, often speculated in a humorous manner as to what uncle harry did all day. occasionally the discussions grew mildly heated, but it was all in good fun. jerry thought uncle harry was a believer in ufos and spent his nights searching the skies and his days reading books on the subject. kevin insisted uncle harry had a laboratory in his basement and was trying to invent a device which would blow up the world and allow him to hold the world hostage and make him its effective ruler. lorna thought uncle harry just watched tv all day - he just turned the tv on in the morning and watched whatever was on without ever changing the channel. michelle speculated that harry was a serial killer - or at least dreamed about being one, and had a large collection of books and dvds on the subject. and lastly, nora thought harry did absolutely nothing at all, and just sat on his front porch all day staring out into the distance. at thanksgiving, a few other family members offered perfunctory half hearted opinions on what harry did all day. aunt sally, who could always be counted on to have an opinion on everything, offered the suggestion that harry spent his days volunteering at a homeless shelter. they do not have homeless shelters in the midwestern flatlands, michelle quickly corrected her. what i remember of harry, uncle jonathon offered tentatively, he probably spends his time working on his truck, which he keeps parked under the shade of the biggest oak tree in the county. do they have oak trees in the flatlands? nora asked. i think just have palm trees and flat fields. at this point aunt maude brought out her blueberry pie and the conversation stopped. jerry, kevin, lorna, michelle, and nora talked desultorily, as they had before, of buying a camper and actually taking a trip out to the flatlands to see what uncle harry was doing. as for harry, he was taking a break from his busy schedule and sitting on his front porch with his cat in his lap, wondering what they were all doing. how about you, what do you think harry does all day?