introduction

by anonymous

let me introduce myself i almost said, allow me to introduce myself or permit me to introduce myself but i caught myself just in time those terms are old fashioned and i am not an old fashioned guy i am up to date i’m hip to the scene i did not just fall off a banana boat so as i was saying let me introduce myself i am the center of the universe i am the emperor of the universe notice i say “the” universe, not just some little “a” universe if you wish to address me, please address me as “your most celestial and all-encompassing majesty and holiness” i have seen many things in my time and done many things and am many things i rode the rails with jesse james and hitchhiked through south america with ambrose bierce and crossed the frozen tundra with jack london and an old mama lion i play right field for the los angeles dodgers and center field for the new york yankees and left field for the boston red sox and quarterback for the new england patriots and point guard for the golden state warriors i won the nobel peace prize for literature ten years in a row and the nobel peace prize for mathematics twenty years in a row i am the world’s funniest comedian and the world’s greatest actor and greatest lover i spent thirty years on top of a mountaintop meditating and directing the flow of planets and galaxies through the heavens of the universe which was thirsty work right now i am working on a screenplay of the world’s greatest movie which will be watched a thousand times by every creature in my universe well, that is enough about me for now i’ll see you around hasta la vista just win, baby