covington jarvis was the richest man in the world. although he had inherited much of his fortune, he was proud of the fact that he was the richest man in the world, and it gave him a feeling of purpose and identity.
one evening he returned home after a dinner at which he had been good-naturedly “roasted” by some of his fellow megabillionaires, and found his faithful major domo tolliver waiting for him.
tolliver wore a long face, and sighed deeply before announcing, i am afraid i have some rather bad news, sir.
and what might that be?
it seems that you are no longer the richest man in the world, sir, but only the second or third richest.
covington jarvis had always known that this day - like death - might come at any time, but he was nonetheless stunned.
would you like the gruesome details, sir? tolliver asked.
no, not right now. covington jarvis sat down on the nearest sofa. i always knew this might happen - it is just that - i always enjoyed the feeling of being number one.
tolliver perked up slightly at this. ah, but you might be still be number one, sir, only at something different.
oh? and what might that be?
a number of things, sir. you might, for example, become the world’s greatest artist.
but i know nothing about art, not even what i like. cartwright has always purchased artworks for me.
you still have plenty of money, sir. but just as you have paid ms cartwright to purchase art for you. you can pay somebody else to produce art for you.
and that would make me the number one artist in the world? is that allowed? would that be playing the game?
why, of course, sir. many of the most famous artists in history, from the cave painters all the way up to jeff koons and andy warhol, have had underlings to actually do the detail work for them.
well, if you say so…
i will have cartwright see to it and hire some person or persons to do the dirty work.
will i have to be involved at all? to provide some basic ideas?
i should not think so. but cartwright will know more about these things than i.
*
a few months later, covington jarvis had his first exhibition and it was a mixed success. although even the most skeptical observers stopped short of outright ridicule, the most generous critic, in the times, would only call the exhibited works “interesting” and “showing promise”.
the general public showed no interest at all, positive or negative.
covington jarvis was not satisfied, and tolliver had anther suggestion.
i think, sir, you might consider becoming the world's number one pop star.
i, a pop star? but i am not nearly young enough or good looking enough for such a thing. besides, isn’t it a lot of work? rehearsing and such?
i think you could become a movie star, sir, although movie stars are not quite what they used to be, if you were willing to lose a bit of weight and have your face lifted. look here, you could become an auteur, and write and direct your own movies and star in them. of course, as with the art, you could hire seasoned professionals to do the heavy lifting as to the writing and directing. and doubles to spend much of the time in front of the cameras.
this plan was adopted, and a biblical epic with covington jarvis in the twin roles of king david and solomon, and the most expensive special effects on record, was delivered to the world.
the film did not receive the token respect of the art exhibit, and was in fact a disaster, savagely mocked on every level of the world media.
well, tolliver, covington jarvis asked, when they were alone again, do you have any other ideas?
i have one more, sir. you might write a novel, win the nobel prize for literature, and be widely acclaimed as the world’s greatest living writer.
you know, i rather like that idea.
you can, of course, as on the other two occasions, hire somebody to attend to the details.
no, said covington jarvis, i think i will write it myself.
and he did.
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