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Monday, May 16, 2022

six for five dollars


by nick nelson



r rogers, a person who had trouble sleeping, heard a slight sound in the middle of the night.

a piece of paper had been slipped under the door of the small apartment.

at first glance, it was the sort of flyer distributed by pizza parlors and ethnic restaurants and other small takeout places.

it read as follows:

are you lonely? would you like to meet another lonely person?

if you would like to meet another lonely person, please mail this paper to the address listed below, with your name and address and signature and one dollar in cash. please affirm that you are eighteen years old or older. phone numbers and e-mail addresses are optional.

we will put you in touch with another person who has responded. if you wish to contact more than one person, add a dollar for each additional person. you can receive six names for each five dollars you send.

no algorithms will be used, and no attempt will be made to find “matches” for you. the names will be sent to you with contact information only.

other than meeting the eighteen year age limit , the people behind the names we send you might be of anyone - young or old, republican or democrat, woke or maga, fat or thin, fragrant or malodorous, libertarian or fascist or maoist, vegan or carnivore, loud or quiet, star trek fan or star wars fan, vigorous or dessicated, gym rat or couch potato, pacifist or warmonger, scholarly or illiterate, etc.

in turn, the person will know nothing about you except that , like themselves, they were willing to pay one dollar for our service.

after reading the words, r rogers went back to bed, but, as usual, had trouble getting to sleep.


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