remember

by fred flynn

remember when we used to fight all the time? no. you don’t? no, what did we fight about? i was for the gold standard and you were against it. i don’t remember that. did either of us kill the other? well, we are both still here, aren’t we? so? that’s right, you were a buddhist and i was a moonie, remember? no. why was i a buddhist? you just were. take my word for it. and then later you were a boomer and i was a republican. we had some great battles then. i don’t remember. we used to fight about whether to turn the heat or the air conditioning on. well, at last that sounds like something to fight about. anything else? lots of things. i was a trotskyite and you were a luddite. i was an objectivist and you were a feminist. you put anchovies on your pizza and i thought that was disgusting. we just could not get along. well, i know why that was. there was no mystery there. why not? because you are a complete idiot who understands nothing about anything. oh really? yes, really. and your hair is a mess. let’s go outside and settle this. outside? outside? you blind fool, we will die if we go outside! that’s just what they want you think. and morons and sheep like you believe all their lies. how do i know you are not one of them? you don’t. why don’t you go back to your own corner? because i want to sit here and watch the big screen. oh? what do you want to want to watch on the big screen? the ten commandments. i want to watch the godfather, part 2. you have no taste. besides, you can watch the godfather movies on your phone, you do not need a big screen like you do for real movies like the ten commandments or spiderman or titanic. there you go again, making a big deal about nothing. you think i make a big deal about nothing? i make a big deal out of nothing? did i just hear somebody outside? no. how do you know? because there is nothing out there. there might be. how do you know? i just do. why don’t you make some popcorn? why don’t you? i remember when we used to fight about stuff worth fighting about. like the meaning of life. or whether good king richard or bad king john was the lawful ruler of england. those were the days. except that they never happened. jerk. idiot. buffoon. troll. now you are getting personal.